Mad Max: Fury Road is finally out, and if you haven’t seen it yet, you definitely, definitely should. But even if you haven’t, it only takes a quick glance at the IMDB page to tell you that Fury Road has the best character names since The Expendables.
- Imperatur Furiosa
- Rictus Erectus
- Imortan Joe
- Keeper of the Seeds
- Cheedo the Fragile
- Toast the Knowing
- The People Eater
- The Doof Warrior
- The Bullet Farmer
…And so forth.
Inspired by this, for today’s Friday Conversation question, I put to some of the UPROXX staff: If we were a biker gang roaming the post-apocalyptic wasteland, what would your name be? (Incidentally, Patton Oswalt beat us all to this question, even Fury Road, with his “Who wants to buttf*ck Sadboy?” bit, which has always been one of my favorites). As an optional secondary question, I asked them to name another staff member. Because let’s be honest, nicknames shouldn’t be something you give yourself. Feel free to add yours in the comments.
1. The Kurpstomper.
2. Dustin Rowles = Theorist the Crazy.
1. Goatse Excavatron. I don’t feel the need to explain myself to you guys.
2. Andy Isaac = Chilifries von Teachersex.
1. Yarn Wall.
2. Vince = Dismissive Wank.
Editor’s Note: If this name proves anything, it’s that Heather wouldn’t last very long in the Wasteland. I picture her crying as a warlord-cooked rat over a fire built from her collection of Victorian novels.
Vince Mancini (me)
I choose Thruster, for obvious reasons. (*thrusts hips, the breeze generated knocks over a vase*). Also, I name Stacey Ritzen Keeper of the Dongs, because I hear about all dong-related news from her first.
“Gunt Gorjo,” which also happens to be my Star Wars prequels name. I hope there’s jobs in the Maxpocalypse similar to what that fat computer vampire in Blade had or I’m gonna end up as dunebuggy suicide jump fodder. My goal is to outlive all the other Ryans at UPROXX.
Jason Tabrys = Listicle Demandys.
Mike Tunison, aka Christmas Ape
I’ll just stick with “Mike.”
[My email response]. Fine, then I nickname you “No Fun.”
If Max can be Max, why can’t I be Mike?
Editor’s Note: Sonovabitch had a point, much as I hate to admit it.
I’m going with Stinky Pink.
Andy is Original Hooters Style Wings.
I call dibs on the name Social Justice Warrior.
Vince’s name is Fartmongous, Stealer Of Water Cooler Jugs.
Rodpounda Lace Goliath.
1. Rock Diesel. History’s two finest thespians, together at last.
2. Burnsy = Grinder Orlando, because he loves Magic Mike and lives in Orlando. I am great at nicknames.
My Mad Max name is Click Click BAIT because when the world that we know is dead and gone and I’m still blogging in the dusty wasteland for mutated and somehow even angrier readers, all I’ll ever remember of this old world is the time GQ‘s editor in chief accused me of clickbaiting. Also, I’ll remember it because I’ll have a necklace made of bones and $25,000 Breitling watches.
Dan Seitz’s Mad Max nickname is Well Actually the Correct.
Roadkill. I’d love to say I’d survive the apocalypse, but come on. I’m a film major. I’d get eaten first.
Lunatic Laremy? Or Thoroughly Modern Lars.
I suggest “The Palsy Bearer,” to reflect his bout with Bell’s palsy last year. He liked it.
OK, your turn.