Japanese Scientists Invent Steak Made from Human Poop

This week’s non-movie-related story is a doozy: Japanese scientists have discovered a way to create edible steaks out of human feces.  Juicy, delicious, satisfying poop steaks, especially if the humans are grass fed.  I’m already thinking of a sci-fi script based around the process. Soylent Brown, I call it.

It’s being called the “poop burger”. Japanese scientists have found a way to create artificial meat from sewage containing human feces.
Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, has developed steaks based on proteins from human excrement. Tokyo Sewage approached the scientist because of an overabundance of sewage mud. They asked him to explore the possible uses of the sewage and Ikeda found that the mud contained a great deal of protein because of all the bacteria.

Whoa whoa whoa, buddy, we said find something to do with it, not make food out of it.  We thought you would just sculpt it into a life-like sex doll or something.

The researchers then extracted those proteins, combined them with a reaction enhancer and put it in an exploder which created the artificial steak. The “meat” is 63% proteins, 25% carbohydrates, 3% lipids and 9% minerals. The researchers color the poop meat red with food coloring and enhance the flavor with soy protein. Initial tests have people saying it even tastes like beef.
Inhabitat notes that “the meatpacking industry causes 18 percent of our greenhouse gas emissions, mostly due to the release of methane from animals.” Livestock also consume huge amounts of resources and space in efforts to feed ourselves as well as the controversy over cruelty to animals. Ikeda’s recycled poop burger would reduce waste and emissions, not to mention obliterating Dante’s circle for gluttons.

Just planning ahead here, I think you might need a catchier name than “Recycled Poop Burger.”  Oops, spoke too soon, looks like Jerry Bruckheimer already wants to buy the option.

The scientists hope to price it the same as actual meat, but at the moment the excrement steaks are ten to twenty times the price they should be thanks to the cost of research. Professor Ikeda understands the psychological barriers that need to be surmounted knowing that your food is made from human feces. They hope that once the research is complete, people will be able to overlook that ugly detail in favor of perks like environmental responsibility, cost and the fact that the meat will have fewer calories. [DigitalTrends]

You created a steak made of sh*t.  I think you can dream bigger than someday pricing it the same as regular meat.  “You mean for the price of this bone-in ribeye, I can get a corn-stuffed sh*t burger of equal size? HOW DO YOU GET AWAY WITH THESE DEALS!  Here’s twice what you’re asking, just so I don’t feel like a thief.”

You know who’d love these?  Hippies.