Trailer for ‘A Good Day to Die Hard’ is surprisingly not satire

Hot off his supporting turn in the critically-acclaimed Looper, which opened last weekend, 20th Century Fox has released a teaser trailer for the comically-named A Good Day to Die Hard, with Max Payne director John Moore relieving Len Wiseman because who even cares anymore. It’s as if to say, “If you liked Bruce Willis in original sci-fi, you’ll love him in a half-assed recycled pile of sh*t!”

In his fifth Die Hard movie (Di5 Hard? Die Hard Without Much Effort?), Bruce Willis has now played John McClaine as many times as Sean Connery played James Bond, and leads all other Bond actors except Roger Moore, who played Bond seven times. Though it’s not exactly a triumphant return to form, since the teaser is just a collage of explosions, shooting, and a couple smirks bookending a scene where a hot motorcycle chick wearing head-to-toe leather slowly takes off her helmet, shakes out her hair, and unzips to her bra like biker chicks are always doing. Women be shoppin, men be all tryna watchin the game, and biker chicks be strippin’, y’all. WOOF WOOF WOOF… What, was 1:10 not enough time to show the bad guy quietly petting his cat? Twisting his mustache maniacally while Bruce Willis unties a damsel from the railroad tracks? If you can’t watch the video at work, here it is in four frames:

I don’t know if it’ll be a good movie, but it’s an awesome beer commercial.