For however divided FilmDrunk readers might be on TMNT or Interstellar, it’s so comforting to know that nearly all of us are united in our hatred of Kirk Cameron. Now that’s what I call: community. So our community, I imagine, might be delighted to see a two-and-a-half minute Kirk Cameron video uploaded just yesterday entitled “How to Witness a Gay Person,” featuring leather thongs, prominent lisps, and some Australian dude on meth. It’s part of Cameron’s Way Of The Master series originally broadcast in the mid 2000s, but if you haven’t seen it yet, you should. It’s beautiful.
“How to Witness a Gay Person” takes place with the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge as background, because everyone (from 1987) knows that San Francisco is the capital of the gay community. While it does feature your standard paternalistic Kirk Cameron sermon, most of the video is dedicated to some truly priceless man-on-the-street interviews with the gay community. “Do I sleep around a lot? Well maybe I do,” one of the interviewees says, “Cause guys are like dogs.” Oh, the ol’ bestiality connection – good detective work, Cameron! (Counterpoint: do dogs really have sex that much? Most of the non-neutered dogs I know just want extra pets and slices of cheese). Then there’s just a whole montage of people of color talking about what made them gay, a montage that we’re supposed to find . . . hilarious?
According to YouTube, the video was released just yesterday, and everythingisterrible.blogspot.com uncovered it just this morning. Still, all the footage in here looks like it came straight out of some mother’s nightmare in 1981. There’s gay men wandering around in leather and clubbing to house music, sassy snapping drag queens, and exactly one, kinda sorta maybe lesbian (because honestly, who cares about women? Zzz)
What’s so interesting about “How to Witness a Gay Person” is that Cameron doesn’t actually teach you how to do it. He and the Australian dude tell you what not to do, but they offer absolutely zero clues on how to do it. My hunch is that Cameron can’t tell you because he has no idea how to, because camps don’t work, because witnessing doesn’t help, and because the video cut off before he could market the follow-up.
This clip appears to have been co-produced with Wayofthemmaster.com. If you’re looking to kill time at work, check it out – it’s truly a wonderful way to waste the day away.