On Friday evening, sometime around bourbon o’clock, the emails started coming in – “Bro, did you know that there’s a whole category on Jeopardy! devoted to Channing Tatum?” I didn’t know, but as soon as I was schooled on this whack ass knowledge, I called up my crew and was like, “Yo, someone gots to get me video of that mad C-Tates respect on the latest episode of Jeopardy!, know what I’m sayin’?” Without even watching it, I assumed that because Tatum is the biggest A-lister on the planet right now, the contestants would bust a move all over that category and then the Foxcatcher star would come out and tell them, “Y’all know yo shizznit.”
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Instead, these so-called geniuses proved that book smarts ain’t got nothing on street smarts, because aside from Julia, these contestants didn’t know a damn about the hardest twerkin’ playboy in show bizna$$$ty. And Julia only knew the two easiest answers, which is a ridiculous statement, because I could have answered the entire category in my sleep. Seriously, she thought C-Tates was in Safe Haven. Please, girl.
Here, see how well you do…
Since that video could disappear at any moment, and since the contestants obviously avoided this category like the plague until the end – perhaps hoping that time would expire and they wouldn’t have to reveal how bad they are at watching awesome movies – let’s break this down by answer here.
First, the $200 answer:
That’s pretty easy and Julia had no problem with the right answer (unless you count putting a sentence together) – 22 Jump Street. But that one’s supposed to be easy. Julia was a little cocky by cracking open this category with the $400 answer:
Obviously, she knew that one was Magic Mike. Not exactly rocket science here. But now comes a “tough” one at $600:
Julia got her Nick Sparks movies mixed up and thought that C-Tates starred in the hilariously terrible Safe Haven, which, of course, had the ending that featured Julianne Hough realizing that her BFF was actually a ghost. Instead, the correct question was, “What is Dear John?”
Now, the worst part of this entire episode, and perhaps the entire existence of Jeopardy!, as no one knew the movie from the $800 answer:
One of the guys said he knew it after it was too late. That’s the go-to “Hey, I’m still smart, I’m just not fast enough” excuse for game show contestants. Nice try, losers, but the fact that these people didn’t know it was White House Down should be grounds for deportation. Also, why the hell was there no Video Daily Double featuring Tatum himself? He could have been like, “Yo smart people, which movie let me n my boo hook up 4 da 1st time?” and then shown off some of the moves that made him famous in Step Up. This was really lazy work by the Jeopardy! staff.
Finally, the $1,000 answer:
Again, no one knew the question was “What is The Vow?” and that really bums me out, because that was far and away the best comedy of 2012. If you haven’t seen it, stop everything – including open heart surgery – and watch it now, because you will cry your eyes out laughing at the scene in which C-Tates is so bummed that he sits down next to a vending machine. I laughed so hard that I fell over, hit my head and got amnesia, and then when I was being nursed back to health, someone made me watch The Vow and it happened all over again.
But no hate, y’all, mad props to C-Tates for ending up on Jeopardy!, even if he still refuses to admit that Vince and I made him famous.