A few days ago, KOIN news in Portland brought us the news that North Portland, a new battleground in the gentrification wars, had been the scene of an ugly flyer campaign that urged new businesses, like an urban brewery, to “get the f*ck out” and “vacate or suck our dicks,” signed by “the Juggalo family.” Was it irresponsible to connect the Juggalos to the flyers with no evidence that actual Juggalos had written them? Perhaps. At least, the Juggalos certainly seem to think so.
In the interests of being even more irresponsible, here are some of the things self-proclaimed Juggalos (and possibly even more impostors) were saying about it on their message board:
it’s people claiming to be them and trying to bring a bad name. obviously not a real juggalo because they promote love and understanding among mankind. so are we just gonna believe the idiots who publish these stories of slander? no because, no juggalo does something and leaves a freaking note, if we have a problem we confront them and say “we have a problem” no juggalo goes out and seeks to ruin property. not only that but no juggalo would type the message and print a decal of the two leaders of icp because im sure they didn’t authorize it as gullible people would come to believe. -Tyler the Mohawk
I don’t believe that. That ain’t true. F*ck that. We are good people. This is discrimination we outlawed discrimination we have rights just as any one else. We are people also. This is racism in my book. I don’t like it. I don’t stand for it. We are juggalos beause society casted us out. Let us be protected by the people not demolished. I know of some fellow juggalos who were killed for being a juggalo. That’s wrong. Completely the same thing that happend in the past black people would be killed because thay didnt like them. Whoop whoop. We are family. We were despised by our blood family so we made our own. Family! Family! Family! WHOOP WHOOP! LET US BE HEARD!!!! -Jesse
Illuminati puppets tryina wreck our name. More than likely -Thomas
2 count em two things wrong. US JUGGALO CANT BE RACIST AND BE A JUGGALO. IT’S A CONTRADICTION. And a true ninja will handle business face sty. Not ho out with a F*ckin computer printed flyer. . Long live the real. Restart juggalo holocaust. On this shit -Rob
see, it would help if it was a real f*ckng juggalo posting those flyers on peoples shit, that flyer prolly came from one of those, what i call, bang pow boom babies, f*ckin new age little juffalos that dont know shit about true fam and the respect that we give each other whether youre a juggalo or not -Derek
I believe that its the fbi trying to f*ck us completely. -Jimmy
That’s right, the Juggalos posted our link on their message board and I have now made a new post out of their reactions to it. I know it seems like a pointless echo chamber, but trust me when I say that this was all done in the hopes of bringing about the Juggalo singularity, the end times prophesied in the dark carnival, when the skies would rain Faygo and the one true Hatchetman would return to Earth, face style, to separate those ninjas truly down from the juffalos, fuggalos, and bang pow boom babies. Only once they’re gone can the true believers gather in Fat Dave’s ex old lady’s grow shed to burn the FBI watch list and come together as one fam-uh-lee, the divisions between us gone forever. (*pours Faygo on ground, wafts bongs smoke throughout the congregation, places space cakes on everyone’s tongues*)
[hat tip to Vocativ]