Last Week’s Hot Links, With Laremy: ‘Ted 2,’ Sex Clubs, A Man That’s An Ant, And The Twitter!

06.29.15 4 years ago 8 Comments
Note: Hi, I’m Laremy, welcome to my old column. Rhetorical question: What will this column be? A collection of links you can read, along with really solid commentary. Most will be movie-related, but some will just be good ol’ frisky fun, because we can’t read about movies all the time. Now, I’m not saying this column will change the world, but it will definitely rock it to its core. Let’s get in there!

‘Jurassic’ Holds Off Challengers – From Box Office Mojo

The box office has spoken, dinosaurs rule and little bears and children drool!

Best quote from the article:

“With $32.9 million in 3,442 theaters Ted 2, however, didn’t really make a run at the spot, making less than even the most pessimistic pundits had placed it.”

I know why this happened. It was because Ted 2 sucked on rails. It had these odd musical asides that were more “Family Guy” than the original Ted. The opening credits were brutal. The plot was both nonsensical and totally unhelpful to the comedy. Much as when the Jim Beam guys need inspiration, Mila Kunis was missed. And finally, they left soooo many potential jokes on the floor. It was as if this was supposed to be a more serious pivot into “acting” for Ted the bear. Really odd.

Early ‘Ant-Man’ Twitter Reactions Mention “Huge” End-Credits Scenes – From Rope of Silicon

So wait, this is a film about a man, that’s actually an ant? Wild stuff. Weird, wild stuff.

Best quote from the article:

“However they manage to do it, I feel confident that this is where we’ll see Spider-Man for the first time.”

I feel confident I’ll walk right the effff outta that theater before I subject myself to an end-credits scene. Confidence is very sexy, don’t you think?

I Wore Pasties at EDC and It Wasn’t That Bad – From L.A. Weekly

The harrowing tale of a female with pasties on her nipples at EDC.

Best quote from the article:

“People constantly approached me, occasionally offering me puffs of joints or sharing what they believed were clever quips (‘I want to smoke your nipples,’ for example).”

For context, that happened because she wore marijuana leaf stickers on dem titaaaays. Honestly, I don’t think she should have belittled that quip, that’s pretty solid. A terrible quip would have been, “girl, you better check that genetic code, because I’m pretty sure your nipples are too high!”

The Mystery of the Female Orgasm – From the BBC

This article is legit great. How orgasms block out pain, another theory on the G-spot, it’s got it all. A bevy of helpful tips, gents! Educate yourselves!

Best quote from the article:

“Perhaps the scientists’ greatest skill is in persuading women to sweep aside their inhibitions, and masturbate – or even copulate – under the full glare of scientific research, including the uncomfortable environment of the fMRI scanner.”

Perhaps??! No, that is definitely their greatest skill. Vince, let’s get one of those scanners, eh bud? What’s the UpROXXXXX discretionary budget looking like these days? Or does it all go toward your “sores”?

Mark Wahlberg Leonardo DiCaprio

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The Mark Wahlberg Playbook Is The Oldest One In Hollywood – BuzzFeed

A rundown of what makes Mark into Mark. Not to quibble, but I’m pretty sure the oldest playbook in Hollywood is the one where you make an overtly racist movie and then cover it up over the following decades.

Best quote from the article:

“He’s a dad with a minivan who drives his kids to school — he just periodically wakes up at 4:30 in the morning to pack on muscle beforehand.”

See, he’s just like us! But really, I’d have someone else drop off the kids while I packed on muscle.

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