Tom Hooper’s 160-minute adaptation of Les Misérables, aka the Olympics of Piss-Holding, is a “sung-through” musical, meaning there’s no spoken dialog, only singing. In keeping with the style of the film, I decided to format my review to the tune of “All Star,” by San Jose’s finest sun-pop four piece, Smash Mouth. Enjoy.
(*clears throat, tunes guitar*) (*feedback noise*)
Sooome BODY once TOLD me, the SOOONGS were gonna BORE me, I AIN’T a cultured DUDE just a GUUUUUEST…
Anne was LOOKin kinda GLUM with her HAAAAIR up in a BUN, and some DIRT on her FACE, yeah she’s POOR, now… (*DJ scratching*)
Well, the songs start comin’ and they don’t stop comin, BLADDER ’bout to burst gonna piss my pants HONEY
Diggin’ that plot about RE-DEMPT-TION, their WIGS get gross and your HEART gets CHuUUuBBED..
So much to SEE, still have to PEE, but ValJEAN’s about to sing a soLILoquoy
He NEVER knew how much he’d GROW
From a NICE priest bein’ a BRO
HEY now, you’re a convict, get your ‘scape on, get SAAAAVED
HEY now, Hugh’s a mayor now, life’s unfair now, adopt, BAAAABES
Eight-teen years LATER we’re TOO-ooold,
All this time PASSIN, yet Hugh don’t look OOOO-oooo-OOOOOLD…