Man with Machete Fights Man with Chain in front of flaming tow truck

This site isn’t always about movie stuff that sounds like news, sometimes it’s also about news stuff that sounds like movies. This latest story about an incident in which a machete-wielding man squared off against a main swinging a chain in front of a backdrop of a flaming tow truck in DC most definitely qualifies as the latter. Hell, that sounds like the best Mortal Kombat level ever. Did you hear that tiny explosion sound, the one that sounds like a cross between C4 and a small harp? That was the sound of Michael Bay popping a boner.

A man was arrested for attacking another man with a machete at the scene of a tow truck fire Wednesday at 8150 Richmond Highway.  “We did get a call around 1:18 this afternoon of a tow truck that was on fire, and several calls of a man nearby swinging a chain, fighting a man with a machete,” Fairfax County Police spokesman Eddie Azcarate told Patch. “Officers arrived and were able to take one adult man (with the machete) in custody.” [LortonPatch]

The man with the machete was arrested, Azcárate said, while his chain-lashing opponent suffered minor injuries in the duel. However, he did not require transportation to any hospital. “Presumably he took himself to get checked out,” Azcárate says.

Whatever prompted the fight and the fire is still being investigated, but Azcárate says they are connected.

“One led to the other,” he says. “They’re not necessarily related, but one came from the other.” [Editor’s Note: Uh… what?] At least authorities are taking the description of this melee in stride, as reading back the notes Azcárate provided caused a laughing fit. “You’re not the first to chuckle about this,” he says. [DCist]

Oh, so the machete-wielder gets arrested, but the guy swinging the chain gets off scot-free? I guess that’s what he gets for using such an ethnic weapon. This country is RACIST, man.

I like to think those guys were shouting things like “SHABBY CHIC!” and “NO WAY, MODERN ALL THE WAY!”

“Come again, punk? Did you just say Chef Freitag is better than Chef Guarnaschelli?” (*pulls out machete*) “Now answer again, real carefully.”