More abstinence parable-induced insanity

Senior Editor
06.09.10 36 Comments

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Wow.  I don’t know how much farther down Stephenie Meyer’s retarded rabbit hole I want to go, I’m already terrified of what I’ve found.  What’s this, you ask?  Why, it’s a tattoo of Peter Facinelli’s signature, of course.  On the calf (I think?) of a fan identified only as “Megan.”  You see, though Facinelli will always be Mike Dexter in Can’t Hardly Wait to you and me (Aman-duhhhh!), he also plays “Dr. Carlisle Cullen” in Twilight, part of Stephenie Meyer’s ridiculous name brigade that eventually reaches its zenith with the baby “Renesmee.”

Look, I can understand being a huge Twilight fan (okay, I can’t, but just go with it for the sake of argument), but this guy’s not even a major character.  See, I like The Big Lebowski. But if I were to get a Big Lebowski tattoo, it probably wouldn’t be a portrait of Philip Seymour Hoffman as Brandt. You see, because that would be retarded.  But time out, does your mind have its pants down yet?  Because it’s about to get blown.  Megan here?  She’s not the only one.

Yep, those are teeth-marks that say “Dr. Cullen.”  On Twihard Trina Gonzalez’ neck.  Holy sh*t, I would love to be a fly on the wall as Trina explains this tattoo to her grandkids in 30 years.  And by “grandkids,” I of course mean “30 cats.”

But hey, if these brain dead yentas want to get “I heart vampire baseball” tattooed across their foreheads, that’s their business.  I just feel sorry for the kid that gets named “Renesmee.”

In related news, I’ve got my Peter Facinelli tramp stamp all picked out:

[via Peter Facinelli’s Twitter]

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