President Obama says Green Lantern has to be a gay now

Just weeks after he forced us to gay marry each other by threatening to raise gas prices again, President Obama has apparently been leaning on DC Comics. Because now, Green Lantern is officially “a gay.” DAMN YOU, OBAMA! GO BACK TA AFERKA, MUSLIN!

One of DC Comics oldest heroes is super-coming out.
The original Green Lantern – a DC Comics mainstay for the past 70 years – will be revealed to be a gay man in next week’s issue of “Earth 2.”
Alan Scott – formerly a married father of two who first appeared in 1940 – tips readers off to his sexuality early on in the comic when he gives his boyfriend a welcome home kiss.
“He’s very much the character he was. He’s still the pinnacle of bravery and idealism. He’s also gay,” “Earth 2” writer James Robinson told The Post.
The Emerald Guardian’s sexuality was rebooted along with the rest of his fictional universe as part of DC’s “New 52” initiative aimed at rejuvenating their characters.
Robinson said he decided to make the change because making the character young again meant erasing Scott’s gay superhero son out of existence.
“The only downside of his being young was we lose his son, Obsidian, who’s gay. So I thought, ‘Why not make Alan Scott gay?'” Robinson recalled. “That was the seed that started it.”
He ran his idea by the bosses at DC, “who signed off on it without hesitation.” [NYPost]

Damn these militant homos and their queer agenda! (Before God damns them, I mean). Can’t we straights have anything anymore?? When I pick up a Green Lantern comic, I expect to read about a hot buff dude in tights who wears a magic promise ring he got from a purple-headed alien for being without fear, not something gay.

Robinson, a British writer who lives in San Francisco with his wife, is no stranger to gay characters – he wrote DC’s “Starman” comic in the 1990s, a groundbreaking title that starred a homosexual superhero. He said the only agenda he’s pushing is reality.

“It’s a realistic depiction of society,” he said. “You have to move with the times.”

I’m just kidding, of course. I already made my peace with a gay Green Lantern when I saw Ryan Reynolds shirtless all those times during the movie. But I do think they should probably get an actual gay man to start writing this. “It’ll keep, love.” “It sounds magical!” The gay dude dialog in this sounds about as realistic as black peoples’ dialog in McDonald’s commercials.