The Presidential candidates pick their favorite movies

Politics is little more than retarded theater these days, so when political candidates discuss their favorite movies, it’s kind of surreal, like hearing Lord of the Rings characters explain who they voted for on Dancing with the Stars. That said, this site was founded on pointless absurdity, so this is perfect.

Here are the presidential candidates (and I purposely use that term loosely, so that we could also include Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, and Newt Gingrich) and their choice of favorite movie, according to the Washington Times. If you’re keeping score at home, it’s now been at least two elections since anyone picked Birth of a Nation. Hey, ignore the politics, that was a landmark in modern cinema!

Herman Cain: The Godfather

Michele Bachmann: Braveheart, “or maybe Saving Private Ryan

Newt Gingrich: “Probably” Casablanca

Rick Santorum: Field of Dreams

Ron Paul: “I don’t watch many movies”

Gary Johnson:  Dr. Zhivago

Mitt Romney: O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Rick Perry: Immortal Beloved

Barack Obama: Casablanca, The Godfather, Lawrence of Arabia, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

Herman Cain: Haha, get it? Because he was the CEO of Godfather’s pizza. (*stares uncomfortably into camera, takes long drag on cigarette*)

Michele Bachmann: Asked why she didn’t choose Passion of the Christ, Bachmann said, “Well it was nicely Jesusy, but with not enough foreigner killing.”

Newt Gingrich: I used this to woo one of my wives. I can’t remember which, but we watched it on laserdisc.

Rick Santorum: Is there anything more American than baseball, the afterlife, and Kevin Costner? A close runner up is anything starring Tom Cruise, for his brave stance against gays in there.

Ron Paul: This was slightly disappointing as I’d hoped it’d follow the usual Ron Paul pattern of two great ideas, and one completely insane one. “My favorites are Raging Bull, Fargo, and Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar.”

Gary Johnson: Who the f*ck is Gary Johnson?

Mitt Romney: Typical Mormon, trying to act all sane by picking a great movie. Come on, Momo! Dance around in your magic underwear and smear poop on your face! It helps the Christians feel superior while they eat zombie Jesus crackers.

Rick Perry: I thought it was hilarious that the Texas governor chose a biopic about foppish dandy who loved fart jokes, but then I googled it and realized I was thinking of Amadeus. So… I got nothin’. N*ggerhead?

Obama: Lawrence of Arabia = secret Muslim.