The 34th Annual Razzies Nominations Have Also Been Announced

Vince never cares for these Razzie nomination posts because he thinks the concept of the “awards” that celebrate the worst movies of the year is silly or something, but he’s not here today so I get to do whatever I want (*whispers* I’m pantsless!). Celebrating 34 years of telling most of us what we already know, the folks behind the Razzies announced this year’s nominations, and the list is about as obvious as you’d expect.

A lot of critics and generally handsome movie fans like myself have already stuck dagger after dagger into these films with our year-end lists, enraging plenty of John Q. Movie Fans at the same time (“GRRRRR HOW DARE YOU HAVE AN OPINION WHEN MY OPINION IS DIFFERENT!!!”), but I suppose that we don’t really know that an Adam Sandler film is a flaming pile of mung until the Razzies committee tells us it is.

Here now are your nominees for the 34th annual Razzies…

After Earth
Grown Ups 2
The Lone Ranger
A Madea Christmas
Movie 43

Johnny Depp: The Lone Ranger
Ashton Kutcher: Jobs
Adam Sandler: Grown Ups 2
Jaden Smith: After Earth
Sylvester Stallone: Bullet To The Head, Escape Plan, Grudge Match

Halle Berry: Movie 43, The Call
Selena Gomez: Getaway
Lindsay Lohan: The Canyons
Tyler Perry: A Madea Christmas
Naomi Watts: Diana, Movie 43

Lady Gaga: Machete Kills
Salma Hayek: Grown Ups 2
Katherine Heigl: The Big Wedding
Kim Kardashian: Tyler Perry’s Temptation
Lindsay Lohan: In-App-Propriate Comedy, Scary Movie 5

Chris Brown: Battle Of The Year
Larry the Cable Guy: A Madea Christmas
Taylor Lautner: Grown Ups 2
Will Smith: After Earth
Nick Swardson: A Haunted House, Grown Ups 2

The 13 People Who Directed Movie 43
Dennis Dugan: Grown Ups 2
Tyler Perry: A Madea Christmas, Temptation
M. Night Shyamalan: After Earth
Gore Verbinski: The Lone Ranger

The Entire Cast of Groan-Ups, Too
The Entire Cast of Movie 43
Lindsay Lohan & Charlie Sheen: Scary Movie 5
Tyler Perry & EITHER Larry the Cable Guy OR That Worn-Out Wig & Dress: A Madea Christmas
Jaden Smith & Will Smith on Planet Nepotism: After Earth

After Earth: Screenplay by Gary Whitta and M. Night Shyamalan, Story by Will Smith
Grown Ups 2: Written by Fred Wolfe & Adam Sandler & Tim Herlihy
The Lone Ranger: Screen Story & Screenplay by Ted Elliott, Justin Haythe & Terry Rosso
A Madea Christmas: Written by Tyler Perry
Movie 43: Written by 19 “Screenwriters”

Grown Ups 2
Hangover III
The Lone Ranger
Scary Movie 5
Smurfs 2

I don’t have many complaints about these nominees, other than it’s not very fun going after the low-hanging fruit of Sandler movies year after year when there were far worse movies like Battle of the Year and Safe Haven in 2013, but that Worst Rip-Off category missed a golden opportunity by nominating Olympus Has Fallen and White House Down together. I would have been outraged, mind you, because White House Down was my favorite comedy of 2013, but it still would have been more fitting that going with the usual suspects.