Rebel Wilson Will Star In A Very Unnecessary ‘Private Benjamin’ Remake

Do you have a favorite movie that was made and released in the 1980s? Is it the kind of movie that you’ve watched more than 100 times during your life, and it’s still just as hilarious all these years later? Do you watch it and think, “Man, they nailed the casting in this film, and I simply can’t imagine another person in that starring role, or another character actor playing the perfect villain like that?” If you have a movie like that and you revere it more than any other film you’ve ever seen – perhaps it’s Big Trouble in Little China, the greatest movie ever made – hold on tight and appreciate it for as long as you can, because it’s going to be remade. Next up? Private Benjamin, the beloved 1980 comedy that earned Goldie Hawn an Oscar nomination for Best Actress, as the titular soldier in over her head.

According to the Wrap, New Line is set to remake or reboot or recycle or regurgitate Private Benjamin, sticking with the theme of a fish-out-of-water girl joining the army, but this time it’ll be two girls, with Rebel Wilson tagging along as the sidekick.

“Private Benjamin” will follow a redneck (Wilson) and a rich city girl who get more than they bargained for when they enlist in the Marines to escape their present situations.

Mark Gordon is producing the movie, which would seem to be a natural fit for Wilson’s comedic sensibility. New Line is currently seeking a director for the modern day update. (Via The Wrap)

If I had to rub my crystal balls and guess who will play the “rich city girl,” I’d put a shiny nickel on Reese Witherspoon in the “comeback role of a lifetime,” while the director will probably be someone like Steven Brill or Dennis Dugan of Happy Madison fame. And since no one can possibly even try to compare to Eileen Brennan, who also earned an Oscar nom for Best Supporting Actress, New Line will probably cast Larry the Cable Guy in drag.

Of course, if I want to really pile on this awful idea – and I really, really do – I’ll point out that Private Benjamin was already “remade” in 2008 as Major Movie Star, which was one of the most hilariously awful movies ever filmed. Hell, not even Steve Guttenberg could save that movie and he’s one of the greatest act… hahahahaha, sorry, I couldn’t even pretend. Ten bucks says this remake is way closer to Major Movie Star than it will ever be to Private Benjamin.