Steven Seagal Wants to Be Arizona’s Governor So He Can Be ‘Above The Law’

It’s often been said1 that Arizona’s only exports are star tattoos and porn stars, but “Florida West” could soon provide the world with a massive shipment of unintentional comedy, courtesy of… Gubernatorial candidate STEVEN SEAGAL. That’s right, the poonani-loving kimono enthusiast, who happens to be BFFs with Maricopa County psychopath Joe Arpaio, recently told an Arizona TV station that he may soon attempt to find out if he has a unique physiological reaction to leadership by running the Girls Gone Wild state.

The flamboyant actor and martial arts expert tells ABC15 he’s considering a run for the Arizona governor’s office.

Seagal says he’s had discussions with Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio about the prospective bid, but has other priorities to consider.

The 61-year-old Seagal made the comments while talking about his newly released reality series “Steven Seagal – Lawman: Maricopa County” (The Lost Episodes.)

According to Seagal, the number one problem facing the U.S. is its open borders.

He also came to the defense of Sheriff Arpaio, as well as discussed the prospect of extending amnesty to undocumented immigrants living in the U.S. [ABC15]

Oh sure, he thinks he can stop illegal immigration, but he can’t even keep track of the episodes of his own TV show? I heard “The Lost Episodes” of Steven Seagal – Lawman were found underneath a half-eaten meatball sub, true story. NO AMNESTY FOR MARINARA STAINS, BUH! BUH! (*reggae horn*)

“People are talking about our biggest problem in America, ‘Oh, it’s Islamic terrorism.’ I don’t think it’s that at at all, it’s open borders. I think that across these borders, any kind of terrorism can come, and does come. I think it’s a tremendous oversight by the current administration.”

Well, he seems to have achieved the first requirement for running for office in Arizona: hating Mexicans. Seems strange to me that a guy who doesn’t keep track of space or time is worried about the border. Do you mean the current border, or the border of pangea?

And hey, Steven, when you say you’re worried about domestic terrorism, does that include the terror of having a bloated B-list actor run over your puppy with a tank? To me that seems scarier than a couple families sneaking across the border in a conversion van full of chickens.

1 By me