Steven Seagal will star in gun ads for a Russian billionaire

But first… WE DANCE!

Last week I told you about the Deputy Russian Prime Minister’s plan to make Steven Seagal the face of the Russian arms industry (note to Russia: using Steven Seagal as a spokesperson is NOT the way to paint yourself as a modern commercial power). Unfortunately, the translation of the DPM’s statement was reduced to a convoluted quote about Seagal using his teeth to wage corporate warfare or something.

Luckily The Guardian went to Seagal for a follow-up quote, and for once in his life Steven Seagal actually helped clarify something.

“My friend Igor Kesayev invited me here. On his request, I will feature in adverts for Kovrov weapons for the US,” the Russian tabloid Komsomolskaya Pravda reported Seagal as saying. “I trust Kesayev. Whatever’s put in my hands, I will advertise.”

Well if there’s one thing we know Steven Seagal can do, it’s hold a gun and stand in front of stuff. You could really just turn any of his movie posters into a gun ad.

Kesayev – who has an estimated fortune of $2bn (£1.3bn), according to Forbes magazine – controls the Degtyaryov factory, which has made weapons including machine guns and rifles since 1916.

He is one of a series of influential Russians with whom the 61-year-old Seagal, the star Hard to Kill and Under Siege, appears to have bonded with: in recent months he has been seen hobnobbing with the Russian president, Vladimir Putin, and the Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov.

In March, Putin showed Seagal a newly built martial arts complex in Moscow, which was created to promote physical education among young Russians. After the event, the president’s official spokesman said Putin and Seagal had long been friends.

The actor told a Russian online TV channel that he had Russian relatives. “I’m Russian, I love Russia, I love Russian people, and I love your president. I really like that he does so much to support martial arts in Russia,” Seagal told the Dozhd TV channel.

Although an improbable intermediary between two former cold war enemies, Seagal is building a reputation as a favoured go-between for Russian and US officials. [Guardian]

Ah yes, and who better for US officials to rely than a delusional actor who pals around with strongmen and Russian billionaires? And I bet Kesayev made his billions selling arms only to law-abiding patriarchs just trying to hunt and protect their families too. God, what a world. I weep for the state of leadership in our country, and yet, I can’t help but be somewhat cheered by the prospect of even more pictures of Steven Seagal looking silly. As Democracy turns to ashes, Steven Seagal front kicks the embers.