Suspicions Confirmed: McConaughey was barely acting

Magic Mike is, no joke, probably my favorite movie that I’ve seen so far this year (I’ll have reviews of that and Spider-Man up as soon as I can get my brain to wake up), and probably the best part was Matthew McConaughey. I’m totally not kidding when I say that he deserves Oscar consideration. He’s so good it’s like he’s not even acting, and even now I’m not sure he actually was. It’s as if they wrote a role so thoroughly McConaughey that they could just follow him around with a camera and everything he did would just dovetail perfectly with the script. I’d like to give him credit for tricking me into believing that (that’s craft!), but I’m still not sure it was actually a trick.

Entertainment Weekly has a slideshow detailing the back stories to every dance number from Magic Mike, and my God, the McConaughey stories are so amazing I want to crumple them up and shove them into my g-string. (*hip thrusts*) Did he write his own songs and name his own dance moves? You better believe it.

Dallas’ goodbye to ”Ladies of Tampa” (Part 1)
In the original script, Matthew McConaughey’s character, club owner Dallas, did not have a stripping scene. But McConaughey not only wanted one, he knew exactly how it should play out: He’d begin by serenading the women from the stage with a slow song. Music supervisor Frankie Pine suggested she and McConaughey pen the tune with Martin Blasick, McConaughey’s guitar coach. They wrote ”Ladies of Tampa” in about three hours at McConaughey’s hotel. ”The song is silly as hell, but Matthew swears it’s gonna get nominated for an Academy Award. He keeps telling me I have to pick out my dress,”’ Pine says, laughing. ”And you know what, I am gonna submit it.” (Tip: Stay through the end credits to hear a slight variation, ”Ladies of Miami.”)

Hey, Matthew, do you think this song is going to get nominated for an Oscar?

As for the actual moves for the number, McConaughey had ideas for those, too. ”He was so in it to be gross and raunchy,” says choreographer Faulk. He came up with signature moves, like the ”Lick It and Slick It” (he licks his fingers and slides them down his pants). ”He was the one who had the most names for things, because we would call them out,” Faulk says. ”I’ve never laughed as hard as I laughed watching him perform, only because it was so f—ing amazing. The women did not know what to do with themselves. The last thing he does in his routine is lie on the ground, and the girls were insane trying to tip him, shoving money in his G-string, and his G-string ripped off. He held it on with his hand. Nothing will beat that to me.”

What do you mean you can’t beat it to that? Hairless Matthew McConaughey humping the stage in a g-string seems like perfect beating materia– oh, oh wait. Nevermind. I totally read that wrong, forget everything I just said. …My, this is embarassing.

Matthew McConaughey naming his own dance move the “Lick It and Slick It” is so perfectly in line with everything I’ve ever imagined about him that I may never bother getting to know anyone ever again. It’s like prank calling Ryan Gosling and having him answer the phone “Hey, Girl.”