Senior Editor
02.11.10 32 Comments

In case you haven’t noticed, studio execs are really afraid to have their own opinion, so when one of them does something, the rest all try to copy him in case he happens to be right.  Which can result in certain actors getting a billion roles before the public even decides whether they like him or not.  Basically, two years ago’s Shia Labeouf is last year’s Sam Worthington is this year’s Taylor Lautner.

The sluggish spec script marketplace will get a jolt today as Hollywood majors battle over a drama that has Hollywood’s highest paid and hardest working teen Taylor Lautner attached to star.  Called Abduction, Lautner plays a teen who has long felt disconnected from his parents, and figures out why. That unleashes a chain of violent events and enters Bourne territory. [More like ABS-duction, am I right??  *blows brains out*]
Lautner is the newest and youngest action star in a dizzying volume of movie deals made over recent weeks. He’s already the lead in two major studio superhero franchises — Universal’s Stretch Armstrong and Paramount’s Max Steel — and was paid $7.5 million for the John Moore-directed, Top Gun-esque thrill ride Northern Lights.  [DHD]

First of all, calling an actor the “hardest working teen in Hollywood” would be preposterous even if you did exclude Mexicans (as is proper).  Second, for those of you keeping score at home, that makes him the lead in two movies based on action figures.  And not even the good ones either.  So yeah, I’m sure this kid’s the next Marlon Brando.  Moron Brando, say.

Sidenote: He turned 18 today!  I don’t know about you, pardner, but I’m pourin’ me a Jim Beam and havin’ me a guilt-free ‘bate session.

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