1st Teaser from Nymphomaniac, Lars Von Trier's Artsy LaBeouf Porno

We’ve been eagerly awaiting the trailer for Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac for some time now. If you’ll remember, that’s the one that sounds kind of like a female-led Shame starring Charlotte Gainsbourg, where Shia LaBeouf won his part by sending Von Trier tapes of LaBeouf and his girlfriend having sex. I like to picture Von Trier watching LaBeouf’s sex tapes and giggling insanely, like the video artist in Big Lebowski. Anyway, Nymphomaniac is also reported to have hardcore sex scenes, performed for real by body doubles who’ll be digitally grafted to the heads and faces of the cast, who clearly aren’t committed thespians. Basically, this is Pacific Rim for people who like weird European shit.

Knowing all that, you expect a lot, like Von Trier forcing Shia LaBeouf to sing Nazi hymns while a talking fox bites his penis. The first clip, at least, is a big tamer than that, starring Sophie Kennedy and Stacy Martin (one of whom is a young Gainsbourg) as two girls trying to get banged on a train. The story is told in chapters, and the Guardian has the rundown of this one:

It looks like Gainsbourg’s character never got over her love of chocolate sweeties, if this earlier publicity still is any indication, OH! (*looks for high five, smokes cigarette behind the head*). Also, is it just me, or is the slutty friend really hard to understand? I’ve watched it four times, and I still can’t tell what she says between “If you have to talk them into…” and “Question is if you want more than a yes or no answer…” It sounds like she’s got mouth full of hard candies. Sex with strangers is one thing, but talking with your mouth full brings shame to the family.

The Guardian has a more detailed rundown of the plot, but if you ask me, it’s giving away way too much, so read at your own risk.

This December sees the premiere of Lars Von Trier‘s new film. The story of a self-diagnosed nymphomaniac (played by Charlotte Gainsbourg) who recounts her erotic experiences to the man (Stellan Skarsgård) who saves her after an assault, its plot is divided into eight chapters. Starting today, extracts from these chapters will be published in the countdown to release; the Guardian is the newspaper publishing the opening chapter – it will also appear on the official film site tomorrow, along with a first clip from the film.

Von Trier wants to introduce, through Nymphomaniac, a new film genre called digressionism. Below is chapter one; subsequent chapters will be called Jerome, Mrs H, Delirium, The Little Organ School, The Eastern and Western Church (The Silent Duck), The Mirror and, finally, The Gun. The film also features Shia LaBeouf, Willem Dafoe, Jamie Bell, Christian Slater and Uma Thurman. [Guardian]