You may remember, a few months back we discovered the “Chinese Automatic Sperm Extractor,” (aka the Chinese Handjob Robot) a hospital-based machine used to extract sperm from shy guys. At least, *I* remember. I remember like it was the Kennedy assassination (it also featured prominently in the Best of 2014 Frotcast, and in some fan fiction I wrote).
Once something like that exists, it’s only a matter of time before there’s a retail version, and now there is. Essentially, the Vorze A10 Cyclone SA is a Japanese-made, rubberized proto-vagina that you can sync to your porn. I shot the above video at the AVN/AEE Expo over the weekend, at a booth touting “the world’s first at-home sexual appliance.” I then wrote up this post at a tony Sundance restaurant, while cribbing from a tattered brochure I brought here from a porn convention.
For both super slow and super high speed the stimulation of the high torque motor is amazing. Combine the 7 different speeds and 7 different patterns for everlasting fun.
Yes, you can connect it to your computer or wireless device and have it sync along to the video you’re watching, pleasuring you tirelessly with its elastic, spiral patterned sleeve and proprietary lotion.
The exclusive VORZE lubricant has superior lubricity and even contains polyacrylic acid which enhances the experience even further. It fits perfect with friction based-masturbators and opens up for long play sessions. (Volume: 145ml)
I’ll admit, I’m slightly unclear on whether “friction-based masturbators” refers to the appliance or to the discerning consumer.
A high functional motor and a super silent structure ? it has never been this quiet before. Feel free to use at home when your family is sleeping without any worries of waking anyone up.
Additionally:
Use the CSV file and easily make your own movement programs,
which you even can share and exchange with your friends.
As it works with all kind of formats the possibilities are limitless.
I like to imagine a future where I strut into some restaurant, dressed flamboyantly with a large hat and a neck full of shiny medallions, marking my way with a personalized fashion cane while ingratiating employees lead me to my private table. “Who’s that?” someone will whisper to his friend. “That’s Vince Mancini,” the friend will say reverently. “He created that new motion program all the kids are using.”
According to company copy, they’ve already shipped 180,000 units. The future is now. Imagine our poor grandparents’ generation, having to make their high friction masturbators out of guano and burlap, without so much as a USB port to sync their motion program.
One caveat: It’s currently only compatible with Windows 7 and 8.