The Full Trailer for The Hobbit

There were three Lord of the Rings books and three Lord of the Rings movies. Back in July, Peter Jackson confirmed that the movie version of The Hobbit, which was more than 100 pages shorter than the shortest book in Lord of the Rings, would be split into three movies, because that sounded like a good idea to… uh… someone? I don’t know. Here’s the trailer for the part one, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, which opens December 14th.

The adventure follows the journey of title character Bilbo Baggins, who is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor from the fearsome dragon Smaug. Approached out of the blue by the wizard Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo finds himself joining a company of thirteen dwarves led by the legendary warrior, Thorin Oakenshield. Their journey will take them into the Wild; through treacherous lands swarming with Goblins and Orcs, deadly Wargs and Sorcerers. Although their goal lies to the East and the wastelands of the Lonely Mountain, first they must escape the goblin tunnels, where Bilbo meets the creature that will change his life forever…Gollum. Here, alone with Gollum, on the shores of an underground lake, the unassuming Bilbo Baggins not only discovers depths of ingenuity and courage that surprise even him, he also gains possession of Gollum’s “precious” ring that holds unexpected and useful qualities… A simple, gold ring that is tied to the fate of all Middle-earth in ways Bilbo cannot begin to know. [Apple]

I feel like Jay Cutler in a bathroom with a Vandy alum reading that. DONNNN’T CAAAAAARE. I dunno, man, nine hours of this was already enough for me. The most interesting part of the trailer for me was that one of the dwarves sorta looks like Andy Samberg:

Neither here nor there (and back again): “COME ON, YOU PUSSIES! CHUG THAT MEAD! We didn’t haze Sweeli to death last harvest for you to act like bitches! Smaug is laughing at you! Now come on, we’re taking Nori’s mom quarter horse to Rivendell for the Wood Elf goblin auction where Bombur fingered that lake chick last shepherd’s moon!” -Bilbro Baggins