The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Shill Cheesy Bites Pizza In New Pizza Hut Tie-In Ad

Continuing a trend that was notably illustrated by ‘X-Men: Days Of Futures Past’ revealing Quicksilver via a Carl’s Jr. commercial, the Michael Bay-produced ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ reboot has just debuted some new Ninja Turtles footage by way of a Pizza Hut commercial. Crusts made of cheesy bites?? Cowabunga, colon!

It’s not just the Turtles themselves that are making a comeback as part of Jonathan Liebesman’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles big-screen reboot; a moment of 1990s cross-promotional genius is being revived as well with the Turtles re-teaming with Pizza Hut for a new ad campaign.

In other news, Words Actually Mean Stuff Magazine reports that the bar for “genius” has hit an all-time low.

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“There’s no denying the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ love of pizza, which is one of the many reasons it fits having our brand fuel their hunger in the upcoming film,” said Pizza Hut’s Chief Marketing Officer, Carrie Walsh in a statement. “Coupling the popularity of the Ninja Turtles to our pizza innovation, we’re thrilled to be bringing back a fan favorite in Cheesy Bites Pizza that combines the great pizza taste with a little ‘food fun’ for fans to enjoy.”

Wow, that was quite possibly the most elaborate collection of gilded buzz words ever devoted to “Ninja Turtles love pizza so we paid to make it ours.” Is there a Nobel Prize in destroying the English language?

A large part of the new cross-promotion will be digital, including an online-only “hidden menu” featuring the “favorite pizzas” of each of the Turtles, as well as special videos and exclusive footage from the movie only available via augmented reality links on the pizza packaging. Pizza Hut will also be launching a #TBTMNT (Throwback Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) promotion on Twitter and Instagram, where fans can post pictures of themselves with classic TMNT merchandise to win gift cards and other prizes. [THR]

Ah yes, the old Pimp A Cynical Cash Grab And Win A Shitty Pizza contest, that’s unprecedented brand synergy right there. The exec who came up with that one should get three pairs monogrammed truck nutz and a 2-liter of the Dew. RADICAL MARKETING, DAD BRO!

Anyway, I guess this is all just a long way of saying that if you were thinking about complaining that Michael Bay has raped your childhood because the Turtles’ noses don’t look the way you remember them or whatever, try to remember that this was never intended as anything but a 90-minute marketing opportunity in the first place. If you didn’t whine about your dumb childhood so much they probably wouldn’t keep trying to sell it back to you.