I don’t have children, so I haven’t fallen victim to the apparent torture that is Disney’s toddler crack, Frozen. In fact, I managed to avoid “Let It Go” completely until today. But if the upside of inescapable snow queen songs and slavish devotion to Disney’s fascist empire is your flesh and blood one day turning the hit “Let It Go” into a Weird Al-esque parody called “Let Me Poop,” as little Emily Mandelbaum has done here? My God, I’d be so proud.
I’ve gone ahead and transcribed the lyrics of “Let Me Poop” in full. In fact I may type them over and over just to feel what it would be like to write something so beautiful, like Hunter S. Thompson used to do with The Great Gatsby.
the poop comes out of my butt tonight
no toilet paper to be seen
a bathroom with nothing to wipe with, there’s no way I’m getting clean
my stomach’s growling with the poop that is inside
couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows i tried
no one coming, no one can see, oh my god now i feel like I have to pee
I hate how this feels, don’t let them know
well now they know…let me poop, let me pooooop, can’t hold it in anymore
let me poop, let me poooop, I should’ve closed the door
I don’t care what they’re going to say
let the poop come out…
the smell never bothered me anywayit’s funny this bowl’s too small, with all the poop I have
I don’t think it will hold it all, it is already full
it’s time to see what I can do to rid my body of this poo
no right no wrong no rules for me
i’m freeeee!let me poop, let me pooooop, I’m scared to look inside
let me poop, let me poooop, i think i’m gonna cry
here i sit, and here i stay…
until it all comes outmy poop overflows from the bowl onto the ground
my socks are fully soaked in doo doo all around
and one thought how could it smell just like that
It’s so bad
I think it killed my cat
Let me poooop, let me pooooooop
I cannot feel my toes
Let me poooop, let me pooooooop
I feel so bad for my nose
here i sit, for an entire day
let the poop come out..
the smell never bothered me anyway
Watching this, I can’t believe we wasted MacArthur Genius Grants on a bunch of crummy physicists. I’d say we should start a scholarship fund for her, but judging by the giant “PRINCESS” on her bedroom wall, I’m guessing she’ll be fine on her own. Nonetheless, it must be said: Emily Mandelbaum is a great American.
Has anyone checked on Frotcast Brendan? This may kill him.