Top Netflix Streaming of the Week (streaming)
Batman
This is the one with both “Batdance” and Vicky Vale, right? An unbeatable combination. Plus, if you stream this, and then go watch beret-wearing Vince’s favorite movie, Birdman, your head might explode from the delicious satire [No one talks to me like that, punk. It’s fargin’ war! -Vince]. If you recall correctly this was the original original film that film that defined what superhero films could be. We’d gotten Superman and his pansy earthquake flyover booty, but no one can relate to Superman. Admire him, yes, look up to him, sure – but be him? No. But we can ALL be a billionaire who gets wit’ supermodels by day and dresses up to play at night. Plus, you know, a dope butler. This was the film that started it all, y’all. Evolutionary and revolutionary.
Streamability: I say we crowd-watch it, live blog it, tweetstream it, and then gang-bang.
Top Netflix Memory of the Week (streaming)
You’ve Got Mail
What happened was Hollywood heard about this “Internet” and wanted to “get poop-hot on it!” immediately. Then someone heard their grandson log onto AOL, and figured, “Movie Title!” This was when the entire world wanted to see Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan copulate to create possibly the most precocious child ever. Instead we got halfling Colin Hanks. Sigh. Anyway, “You’ve Got Mail” was probably the last time you could make an un-ironic movie about AOL, I used to love their chatrooms, especially the ones labeled “hood rats”. No, only joshing, I think that would be an anachronism.
Streamability: With a loved one, snuggling, s’mores freshly made.
Top Netflix Warning Sign of the Week (streaming)
Dumb and Dumber
The movie is funny, and still holds up, especially the murdering of birds in three scenes: one big, one small, one a song. Eminently quotable by his eminence Timothy Cardinal Dolan (guy is a wildcard) [I googled this and still don’t get this joke. -Vince] I know I’m personally looking kinda/sorta forward to the sequel. But the track record since then for the Farrelly Bros. has been spotty (Owl) to say the least. TO SAY THE VERY LEAST. Movie 43 set us back at least a decade for comedy. I don’t know man, I don’t know, perhaps we should just thank those lucky stars this somehow rocked without hoping too hard for the future. That’s just a good mantra for life I guess.
Streamability: Do your research people, it will make you a better critic.
Top Netflix “Whoa” of the Week (streaming)
The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Ten years ago you could watch Anne Hathaway portray a princess in a movie nobody particularly wanted to see. Now she’s Catwoman, and Interstellar‘d up, and singin’ and dancin’ around French hobos. Let this be a lesson to how far one can come in a decade. Like, for me, ten years ago I was writing BS articles about movies. Now? I’m writing Netflix columns. The dream is real you guys, the dream is real. Also, I think the dude in this became Captain Kirk. Crikey, talk about proving my point all over again, for the first time. [Do you guys ever read these and worry Laremy is in the midst of a mental breakdown? How involved should I be as his editor on a scale of one to 10?]
Streamability: Only for inspirational purposes.
Top Netflix Curio of the Week (streaming)
“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Season 9″
I used to watch this show religiously, we’d all pile around the 17” black and white television and laugh at the absurdities of our pals from Paddy’s Pub. But I stopped. I grew. It just got too repetitive for me, and I haven’t seen it in a few years. Have I missed out on anything? Let me know, preferably with specific episodes, because I don’t have time to waste. Too busy playing “Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare” for any nonsense. Trivia: I was once MySpace friends with Charlie Day. Love that guy.
Streamability: Maybe. But I maintain this is the best comedic scene on television over the last decade … but it’s also not from season nine.
Top Paid Title of the Week
Step Up: All In (Amazon, $4.99)
A lot of these dancers would be worth going “all in” on, no doubt about it. I love the entire Step Up franchise, from its humble beginnings with C-Tates, and the girl he accidentally married far too young, all the way to 3-D and international competitions for Top Dancy Crews. Viral videos, angry parents, a guy named “Moose” who is the greatest actor of our generation – there’s nothing not to like here. At $4.99 this is a bargain, but only if you videotape it as you watch. So you can repeat view like a maniac until the KY runs out. I suggest a handycam.
Streamability: Practice the moves at home!
Horrible Paid Title of the Week
Hercules (Amazon, $3.99)
This movie is crap, y’all, and now they are being meaner by offering an extended cut. That’s like giving you even more of a haircut until they hit full-on lobotomy. It’s got a veritable calvalcade of stupidity, from a stupid little kid, to a stupid Hercules team, to stupid bow and arrow scenes. The only good part is Ian McShane, but that’s just because nothing could weigh down his awesomeness. Guy is a gem.
Streamability: No, not really, unless you want to call someone onto the carpet for their misdeeds.
That’s all for now. Love you guys!
Laremy is on Twitter and could dance you underneath the table.