FilmDrunk

This Week In Posters: All The ‘Justice League’ Posters Fit To Print

This week in This Week In Posters, we begin with A Bad Moms Christmas, in which even the moms have moms. How is that not the tagline? I see they’ve also mimicked the debris-everywhere trope from action movies, but with confetti. And they’ve used the same picture of Kathryn Hahn that looks nothing like Kathryn Hahn. Seriously, who is that?

[all posters via IMPA]

“One of the films of 2017” is the most honest tagline I’ve ever seen.

Speaking of not looking like herself, is that… is that supposed to be Christina Applegate? I would only guess that because this person looks slightly more like Christina Applegate than Nina Dobrev. Domnall Gleeson only looks slightly more like himself than she does (if that’s her), wearing some kind of Owen Wilson wig. Between the cartoon background, blurry images, and crappy font, this poster just screams “filmed four years ago and sitting on the shelf ever since.”

I can’t find any news stories that confirm, but I trust my own eyes.

Crooked House, more like Downton Stabby. Love Gillian Anderson’s wig, I can’t wait to hear her British accent.

The Photoshop on this is so bad I barely notice the out-of-order names. I think they may have used the same set of legs for Mel Gibson and Mark Wahlberg, and just darkened one of them.

This poster reminds me of my house, where I always dress exactly like my dad. I would’ve liked to be on this set. I like to imagine Wahlberg ranting about how he could’ve stopped 9/11 — “If I woulda been on that plane, it never woulda happened…” — while Mel Gibson nods solemnly and pipes up, “I know what you mean. If I woulda been there when the Jews tried to crucify Jesus…”

“They came for his family, now he’s coming for them. …The Aristocrats!”

Shoot that mud, Bruce! Shoot it full of holes, teach it to try to ruin your sailor suit! (Seriously, what the hell is he wearing?)

Wait, 11/8/2016, I’m not used to seeing that date. Elections are in November… OH GOD NOW I REMEMBER THAT DAY. Noooo thanks. I’m not ready to relive that yet.

I have to give this Ghost in the Graveyard poster credit for apparently not being about a haunted house or a creepy little kid, something that only applies to .001% of all horror movies these days. Are those supposed to be trees or flames on the hand? Either way, pretty cool. I mean the fact that it has “ghost” in the title sort of cheapens it, but that’s not really the poster designer’s fault.

This is a cool poster for Louis CK’s movie. Though it feels like they missed an opportunity to blow up that picture of Louis on the bottom right, and add the tagline “He wants you to watch.”

Ooh, Jigsaw puts buckets over people’s heads. Sca-ry. What’s he going to do now, force them to play guitar for Guns N Roses?

What do you make of it that multiple pull quotes use “British” as a modifier? Maybe they don’t actually fight, it’s a new kind of war movie where they take a long walk through the countryside and frequently stop for tea.

This is the first of a big batch of Justice League posters, and I have to admit, these are pretty cool. The super vivid colors give me flashbacks to the Watchmen opening sequence, which is a great thing to remind people of since it’s by far the best thing Zack Snyder has done.

Hmm, did we ever consider that Cyborg’s design is perhaps too busy? He looks like a Michael Bay Transformer. I stared at this for two minutes before I figured out where his right hand was.

I like that the batsuit has texture. That’s a nice addition. Seems like it’d be really hot though. I wonder if Bruce Wayne had Morgan Freeman design a special cooling unit for his balls.

You know she’s super because she doesn’t need a ponytail. She doesn’t even use the tiara to hold her hair back. That’s a power move.

I feel like it says a lot about the design aesthetic that they thought, “A trident? F*ck that sh*t! Needs more tines!”

Yikes. I’m not sure a series of randomly assorted photos placed inside a blueprint of an opera house is accomplishing quite what they want here.

Oh hell yeah. When Liam Neeson stares solemnly I know he means business.

I don’t know about this. I feel like Chadwick Boseman’s giving me a “come hither” and Dan Stevens is giving me a “You came to the wrong neighborhood, motherf*cker.” Who do I believe? Also, Josh Gad is there, that’s the biggest problem.

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(BUT HE WAS GOOD IN BOOK OF MORMON!)

This guy is a game changer! I hope he changes the game of me not knowing who he is.

Are you surprised that Marwan Kenzari gets his own poster? Well, that’s because this is the first of SIXTEEN character posters for Murder on the Orient Express. The main poster for this is so cool, and this is partly why there are too many character posters. When you have to make 16, you’re going to start getting lazy. “Eh, just throw a diagonal on there and call it a day.”

Of course, the count drinks from a coupe glass. You have to prove how rich you are by drinking out of a glass that’s guaranteed to spill. Who cares? I can afford it, mwa–ha-ha.

I mean… at least in the others the diagonal was sort of justified. This they just straight up tilted sideways for no reason. Anyway. There are 14 more of these. I’m not going to include them all. Just trust me on this.

The only thing I like about this is the red font. Everything else I have no idea. Is that woman with the trach tube coming out of another woman’s ankle? I don’t get it.

The old dark house she ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be…

Not enough horror movie posters just using regular eyes with the rest of the face blacked out anymore, I always say.

Aw dammit, just when I started to like Saoirse Ronan again she has to go and star in another Ian McEwan adaptation.

Paddington‘s posters are creepy as hell in a good way, if that’s possible.

Here we have another perfect example of the “debris flying everywhere” trope. Sparks! Fire! Dirt! A car crash! I mean what kind of action doesn’t this movie have?

This poster is for The Star, FYI. Is this a retelling of the Nativity story from the perspective of talking animals? Because I am here for that, Dreamworks Faces or not.

What is this font from? I could’ve sworn it was a ripoff of Gone Girl or The Social Network, but now I can’t find those. Fifty Shades of Grey, maybe? Dammit, this is going to bug me all day. Anyway, great job making a boring picture look interesting using font alone.

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