This Week in Posters, With Tyler Perry’s Latest Masterpiece

Here’s the poster for Tyler Perry’s latest, Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor (oh, man, that title). With the snake circling the lady’s face shaped like an apple, you almost get the feeling there’s going to be some religious overtones to this one, am I right? Or maybe I’m just reading too much into this one. I can do that sometimes, where I see Biblical imagery in something totally innocuous, like a snake circling an apple on a red background with TEMPTATION in giant letters below it.

By the way, I’d love to be a marriage counselor in a Tyler Perry movie. That would be the easiest job in the world. “Hmm, let’s see… so you’re currently trapped in a loveless marriage in which your husband is a cold, distant workaholic who beats you and belittles you in front of the children, and you’re wondering if you should leave him for the attractive, independently wealthy widower with six-pack abs who sends you flowers every day and coaches softball for dyslexic kids? ….You know, I’m gonna be honest, this doesn’t seem like much of a conflict.”

Here’s Harrison Ford in the first still from Ender’s Game, co-starring Asa Butterfield and directed by Gavin Hood. I was only vaguely familiar with the source material, but it’s apparently a big-deal sci-fi novel that won Hugo and Nebula awards in 1985 and has been in movie development forever.

Set in Earth’s future, the novel presents an imperiled humankind who have barely survived two conflicts with the Formics (an insectoid alien species normally called “Buggers” by most of the population). These aliens show an ant-like group behavior, and are very protective of their leader, much like Earth ants protecting their queen. In preparation for an anticipated third invasion, an international fleet maintains a school to find and train future fleet commanders. The world’s most talented children, including the novel’s protagonist, Ender Wiggin, are taken at a very young age to a training center known as the Battle School. There, teachers train them in the arts of war through increasingly difficult games including ones undertaken in zero gravity in the Battle Room, where Ender’s tactical genius is revealed.

I haven’t read it, but it sounds similar to Starship Troopers. And whereas Starship Troopers got some flak for its fascist overtones, Ender’s Game writer Orson Scott Card was more of a sodomy-is-a-sin kind of a guy, as he wrote to his fellow Mormons back in 1990:

The argument by the hypocrites of homosexuality that homosexual tendencies are genetically ingrained in some individuals is almost laughably irrelevant. We are all genetically predisposed toward some sin or another; we are all expected to control those genetic predispositions when it is possible. It is for God to judge which individuals are tempted beyond their ability to bear or beyond their ability to resist. But it is the responsibility of the Church and the Saints never to lose sight of the goal of perfect obedience to laws designed for our happiness.

Meanwhile, Hollywood loves the gays (Brett Ratner excepted), so it will be interesting to see if they try to compensate for Card in the movie version. Maybe get the Modern Family kid to play his best friend.

Here’s the first of another batch of Beautiful Creatures posters. They all basically look like they took a character in some fairly mundane outfit and stuck them in front of this goth prom background, and this is supposed to tell us something about the movie. The only thing it’s telling me so far is “do not want.”

I laugh every time I look at this kid’s dopey facial expression and stupid hat. Again, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to take away from this poster, other than that this is a movie about people who’ve been overstyled. This is what you’d look like in high school if your mom was a stylist and you didn’t have any friends to melvin you when you showed up looking like a tool.

Oh look, one of the characters is Church Lady.

This is the Olive Garden of movie posters. Not even. This is the local Olive Garden-knockoff of movie posters.

You do not want to know what Jeremy Irons is about to do with that cane.

Here’s an Asian poster for The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, which I’ve actually heard mostly positive things about. That said, I’m still waiting for Dev Patel to play someone who I don’t immediately want to wedgie.

Every time I see Juliette Binoche, she’s squinting around being all sexy. Have you ever wondered if her perceived sex appeal is actually just some horrible disability where she can’t open her eyes all the way? Same thing with Josh Hartnett.

Here’s GI Joe: Retaliation going old school with the classic “Pillar of Dudes” design. Also starring… lens flares!

One of the producers on this was Shepard Fairey, so you better believe it’s going to have a cool poster.

A documentary that chronicles how a generation of artists, thinkers, and activists used their creativity as a response to the reactionary politics that came to define our culture in the 1980s.

A reaction to reactionarianism- BRAAAAAAHM.

As we highlighted the other day, here’s the newest poster for Man of Steel, which many commenters pointed out looks a lot like that old Piracy is a Crime campaign.

Aw, I miss you, Ernest Borgnine. That is the most Ernest Borgnine picture ever, too. He looks like if you put Andy Rooney’s eyebrows on a shar pei.