This week in This Week in Posters, we begin with Alive And Kicking, which captures the passion of the dance. Great pose. It’s just “off” enough that I can’t stop looking at it. And this sort of looks like a more realistic version of La La Land.
This looks very cold for a movie called Brimstone. Also Guy Pearce is very big. Other than that, I’m guessing it’s about God stuff and it’s set in olden times? Bigly analysis, folks.
I’m very excited for Baby Groot but maybe a little uncomfortable with how much he reminds me of The Noid.
The tagline for this Bye Bye Man poster is “never say his name” which is also a good policy for a movie called The Bye Bye Man. No way I’m buying a ticket if I have to say that name out loud. “Hi, yes, three adults for I Made A Boo Boo Hurt And Now There’s Doody In My Pants, please.”
I give the Catfight marketing campaign a distinct edge over Fist Fight on account we know that they actually fight. That being said I’m fascinated by the pull quote “Like a WWE showdown set in the real world.”
Where are most WWE showdowns set? Do WWE showdowns even have a set? What would make something “like” a WWE showdown? The fact that two people are fighting? Is there a ref that gets knocked out half way through? Foxy managers? Anyway, I’m intrigued, even though I’m pretty sure they swapped the names just to piss me off.
“There’s a monster in all of us.” Okay, but isn’t the finger actually in the monster here rather than vice versa? I realize I’m being painfully literal about this, but when you make an abstract play on words poster you could at least justify the play on words in it.
There’s a lady in that bottle, baby, come come, come on and let me out. I honestly don’t know where they were going with this.
So A Dog’s Purpose was directed by Lasse Halstrom, a 70-year-old Swedish guy who has like 40 film credits. I enjoy the idea that the poster designer wanted to include some of his filmography, but at the last minute someone on the marketing team was like “Wait man, they’re only gonna care about the dog stuff.”
They should just put “A Dog’s Purpose, a film by Lasse.”
Everything though?
The whites of this guy’s eyes are really white. It’s like the horror movie acting equivalent of doping. Stop cheating, guy.
I like that he’s freaking out about the title.
Am I supposed to be looking at this nice neighborhood from a cracked window? I don’t really get it.
That is a wonderful suit, and Will Ferrell playing Mugatu again has me intrigued. Though once again I feel as if they swapped the names as a personal insult to me.
This guy must be real suave to get all those famous people in his movie. Also this cast has three guys named “Rob.” That is too many Robs. One Rob over the line. A Rob too far.
Wow that is a big monkey please don’t @ me
Every time he plays a military guy or cop I’m impressed anew with how squared-away looking Jake Gyllenhaal can be. He really is a handsome boy and I enjoy him very much. But guys, seriously with the f*cking names. Why are you doing this to me?
Wait, there’s a baby wolverine in this? Does that mean she can’t age, like Kirsten Dunst in Interview With The Vampire? Like a forever-baby Wolverine? And does she fight those nihilists back there? Dang I guess I have to see this now.
And here we have Shia Labeouf streaking across the night sky diagonally to land right in this gun sight.
That might be the world’s most didactic pull quote, but it’s really working for me. Otherwise I might’ve assumed this was about some kind of autistic child prodigy and not a Canadian folk musician. Remember when vests had that many buttons? Those were the days. It was a buttony time.
Two questions: First, what am I looking through? Second, is that really Armie Hammer? It looks nothing like him.
Damn, a sideways Gosling and a sideways Fassbender? I don’t know if my heart can take it. I don’t really know what the people have to do with the record, but if it’s got those people I’m in.
Wait, does cosmic dread have tentacles? Radical.
I have no idea what’s going on here. It appears the man is wearing some kind of control-top Andre the Giant singlet with a business casual shirt and socks with Chuck Taylors on the beach. Is that a style in New Zealand? Also he’s standing on a suitcase and there’s a sexy lady there. Kiwis are strange and fascinating beasts.
More diagonals! This one works, though the tagline has me a little worried. Family is harder? Oh great. I wanted to watch this guy skate around and hit people, not change diapers. Also, that’s not even true. Family isn’t harder than hockey. My grandma had a family. She could barely skate.