Todd Phillips famously began an interview with Movieline last year by saying “this website is the worst, but go ahead,” and I’m happy to report that the Hangover/Old School director still grips it and rips it, lives life with a lot of flair, and generally keeps it real as sh*t. He recently sat for a video interview with David Poland which began much the same way, with Phillips carefully outlining the various ways in which Poland sucks, with Poland laughing along uncomfortably and trying unsuccessfully to make a joke out of it. Some of the money quotes:
“Let’s do it. It’s going to be aggressive because I’m not a fan of Poland’s or the site.”
“I will say, having read your site here and there, you might be the worst box office prognosticator on the planet Earth, let alone that has a website. Literally. You are wrong 99% of the time.”
“You have this bizarre attitude that you know things about the business.”
“And I’m only talking numbers because I know you love to talk numbers on your site, but you are out of control wrong all the time.”
“Yes, there is a bit of revenge in making the movie, particularly with people like you.”
“Yes, sure I think this movie is going to do well overseas, but more specifically, I think I remember you telling me before the [Hangover One press tour] interview started, saying, you know, ‘Warner Brothers has this idea that your movie’s going to do $100 million, and no offense, it’s a good movie, but I see it topping out at $60 or $70, but there is a limit on an R-rated comedy with no stars…’ AND, you went on to tell me, ‘and by the way, I saw Land of the Lost, and it’s a pretty good movie…’ and you started telling me how brilliant Land of the Lost was. Which I didn’t like, and I love Will Ferrell and I love Brad Silverman, I’m not being a hater — and you trying to antagonize me saying it was a bad idea to open against Land of the Lost. Cut to, we do $45 million on the weekend. You thought we were going to do $60 TOTAL.”
“You told me to my face, and I was okay with it, that Land of the Lost was a superior film. And I defy you to find three people that agree with you on that.”
“I did visit your site the other day, and I don’t know what you did, but it looks horrible. What happened?”
(*towels off, lights cigarette*) Oh man. That is some good schadenfreude. Nothing against David Poland specifically — I’ve heard his name, but I’m not familiar enough with his site to have any specific beefs (unlike, say, Nikki Finke, who seems like the kuntiest human alive, or Pete Hammond, whose transparent shilling is an insult to anyone who’d actually read his columns) — but it’s always nice to see movie bloggers get sh*t on. In general, we’re terrible people. And the worst are the self-appointed experts who are so good at self-promotion that they can fool people into forgetting that they don’t actually have any credentials and are almost never right, much like Mel Kiper does for sports. Do you realize Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is STILL tracking 77% recommended on RottenTomatoes? SEVENTY-F*CKING SEVEN PERCENT. MORE THAN THREE-FOURTHS OF SO-CALLED FILM EXPERTS ADMITTED LIKING THAT MOVIE. Go ahead and read the reviews, I promise they weren’t being satirical. Thank God for people like Todd Phillips. He wasn’t mean, he wasn’t vindictive, just smart enough to realize that the whore blowing him might not actually care about his family. My God, he’s almost cool enough to make me question my policy on guys named “Todd.”