Opening Everywhere: Looper, Hotel Transylvania, Won’t Back Down, Pitch Perfect
Opening Somwhere: Solomon Kane
FilmDrunk Suggests: I’ve been looking forward to Looper for weeks now and the positive reviews (like Vince’s, in case you haven’t read it) have me very excited. Seriously, feel the moist spot on my Capri pants.
Looper
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 93% critics, 91% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“Johnson doesn’t explain too much, but he explains just enough about how two people can be one person, and how the younger entity’s actions, in real time, can affect the memory of the older entity.” – Vince’s yoga partner Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle
“An indie-inflected popcorn movie with major brains, brilliant acting and a highly satisfying payoff, ‘Looper’ is the first must-see movie of the season.” – Lou Lumenick, NY Post
Armchair Analysis: I love Bruce Willis. Hudson Hawk was the balls, and I don’t care what any of you mouth-breathers think.
Hotel Transylvania
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 44% critics, 81% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“A fast, funny and wildly inventive animated tale with enough laughs and heart to appeal to audiences of all ages.” – Bruce Demara, Toronto Star
“’Hotel Transylvania’ may offer a perfectly fine Halloween-themed getaway for young kids, but there aren’t many amenities for Mom and Dad.” – Michael O’Sullivan, Washington Post
Armchair Analysis: Happy Madison drops another candy bar in the kiddy pool. From the commercials, I believe this is about Dracula running a hotel for monsters, and in theory that sounds fun and original. And yes, I have a tendency to complain that kids movies are unoriginal cash machines that teach our children nothing about morality through creativity anymore. But this film teaches kids that Happy Madison is funny, and I can’t have any part in that.
Won’t Back Down
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 35% critics, 62% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“Americans desperately need to have some difficult conversations about the state of public education, but Won’t Back Down goes about the task too awkwardly to be helpful or interesting.” – Connie Ogle, Miami Herald
“So didactic that viewers are likely to feel less uplifted than lectured.” – Ann Hornaday, Washington Post
Armchair Analysis: I’ll let Bill Burr handle this one. (Very NSFW language)
Pitch Perfect
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 73% critics, 85% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“’Pitch Perfect’ is major key all the way, a blast of tuneful sugary cheer kicked up with enough tart humor to offset the glucose.” – Amy Biancolli, San Francisco Chronicle (And remember that Amy is the official FilmDrunk Empress of All That is Funny.)
“A movie that’s made to be obsessed over, seen 50 times, quoted as devoutly as such sacred texts as ‘Heathers’ and ‘Bring It On.’” – Kyle Smith, NY Post (Dude. Bring it On? Screw you.)
Armchair Analysis: I hate movies and TV shows that involve singing. HATE THEM. I love music, but I can’t stand musicals. They just drive me up the wall. That said, this was written by Kay Cannon (of 30 Rock writing fame) and stars Adam Devine from Workaholics, so I will hesitantly give this a shot.
Solomon Kane
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 64% critics, 46% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“’Solomon Kane’ succeeds by embracing its identity as a straightforward genre exercise, complete with bone-crunching and blood-spurting action. By not aiming for more, it hits its target.” – Mark Olsen, L.A. Times
“It grinds along on the dubious strengths of its generic battle sequences and midbudget special effects, whipped up around a stone-faced hero who’s part Christ figure, part embodiment of wickedness, all crippling bore.” – Scott Tobias, NPR (This guy obviously knows about crippling bores.)
Armchair Analysis: Never heard of it, but I’ll bet it’s okay. I know, I’m really trying hard today.