Opened Already: The Amazing Spider-Man, Katy Perry: Part of Me
Opening Everywhere: Savages
Never Heard of It: Crazy Eyes
FilmDrunk Suggests: Before Vince left, he told me very clearly that he strongly encourages everyone to go see Katy Perry: Part of Me. If the film is successful, he believes that she’ll take notice of him and hire him to be a backup dancer on tour.
The Amazing Spider-Man
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 73% critics, 84% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“Andrew Garfield is a manic, mannered and fussy new boy-bitten-by-a-spider in this new version of his creation myth. He looks more and more like the young Tony “Psycho” Perkins, and plays Peter Parker as a bit more of a punk –wired, a collection of acting tics. He works awfully hard to convince us he’s the innocent kid he’s supposed to be.” – Roger Moore, Movie Nation
“Note to Sony: The entire planet saw Sam Raimi’s ‘Spider-Man,’ and you guys know this better than anyone! Copping iconic scenes from ‘Superman,’ ‘Batman’ and ‘King Kong’ only makes matters worse.” – Tom Charity, CNN
Armchair Analysis: Vince hated it, as we all know from reading his review. But it’s going to make a ton of money regardless, so buckle in and get ready for the next 3-5 films. Hell, that’s great news if you end up liking this recycled tale.
Katy Perry: Part of Me
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 78% critics (WUT), 80% audience (HUH)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“There are some candid moments of Perry dealing with the fallout and breaking down in her dressing room before putting on her happy face and hitting the stage, but you never see any more than what Perry or her producers want seen. ‘Part of Me’ is more electronic press kit than fly-on-the-wall documentary.” – Adam Graham, Detroit News
“‘Part of Me,’ directed by reality-show veterans Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz (‘Project Runway,’ ‘Top Chef’), feels mostly harmless except when the subject turns to Brand. It’s one thing to scissor him out of the picture — you’ll see him maybe thrice — but ‘Part of Me’ carefully builds a case against him, portraying Perry as a self-sacrificing wife unceremoniously dumped.” – Rafer Guzman, Newsday
Armchair Analysis: The point of Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never – aside from making a ton of money while the Bieber Army is still young enough to provide a mindless cash supply – was to tell a story of inspiration. Sure, I hated having to watch the 20 or so minutes of it that I did, but I could see the good in it. If you see Katy Perry’s Part of Me as anything other than a manipulative smear campaign to paint her as the broken woman who had to pick herself up because her husband was a terrible partner, then please pass to the left. Because that’s all this is – a press release. Damage control. Media spin. And the sad thing is that Perry could make an honest-to-God good concert film without that aforementioned biased garbage about her lame marriage. News flash: the majority of us already hate Russell Brand. We don’t need it force fed to us, wrapped in woe is me pity parties.
Savages
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 51% critics, 77% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“The thriller Savages is in the same brutal, druggy realm of Natural Born Killers, but Stone has evolved in the past decade and a half, and the new film has a deeper, more complicated perspective.” – David Edelstein, NPR
“There is an intriguing war going on here, but it’s conducted between two generations of actors. Those shameless middle-aged hams – Travolta, who wheedles and sparks like Peter Lorre on meth, Del Toro as an oozing sore of a reprobate and Hayek as a telenovela Lady Macbeth – cruelly blow the pretty trio of young stars off the screen.” – Liam Lacey, The Globe and Mail
Armchair Analysis: I want to think this could be a great drug movie, with the writing and acting of Traffic combined with the brutal action of Scarface. But I can’t get past the whole “Hey, we’re two dudes in love with the same girl and everything works out fine.” In reality, one of the guys would keep pooping on the other guy’s side of the bed and shouting, “You’re really in love with THAT?” every morning.
Crazy Eyes
Starring: Lukas Haas, Jake Busey, Madeline Zima
My Guess: Well, it’s not Crazy Teeth, so there’s no way a Busey is the star. I’m guessing Lukas Haas is the nerdy dude that cool guy Jake Busey has always picked on, until one day Haas snaps and gets some “crazy eyes” and starts killing everyone. And judging by past efforts, I bet he starts with the screenwriters.
Actual Plot: Zach (Lukas Haas) seems to be living the Hollywood bachelor dream – he’s got a house in the hills, the phone numbers for dozens of beautiful women and a hard-partying lifestyle aided and abetted by his bartender pal, Dan (Jake Busey). It seems nothing can tie down this divorcée father, until he meets “Crazy Eyes” (Madeline Zima) – the one woman he can’t have. As the two embark on a love-crazed, booze-fueled relationship, Zach’s family issues begin to take center-stage, questioning whether or not this partying lost boy can step up to the challenge and become a man.
The Verdict: Hooray, another “living the bachelor’s dream but realizes it’s time to grow up” film! I think we all just won a free sandwich.