11.07.08 10 years ago 99 Comments

Opening this weekend:

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
Hmm, I know you said something, but all I heard was “Ass Scar”.

Role Models
Paul Rudd is lovable like a lab puppy with a bandanna around his neck, and in the trailer the little black kid is drawing a picture called “Beyoncé pouring sugar on my dick.”  This may not be the best movie ever, but… it’s enough.

Soul Men
Soul Men Drinking Game:  Every time you someone gets hit in the nuts, take a drink.  Every time you understand anything Bernie Mac says, finish your beer.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (limited)
Between the sexy title and the holocaust plot, it looks like the spank bank just got a deposit.

JCVD (limited)
Jean Claude Van Damme stars in a mockumentary about the meta-fictional Jean Claude Van Damme.  I would have sex with this movie sober and call it the next day.

Repo: The Genetic Opera
Paris Hilton stars in a Goth musical from the makers of Saw.  Aka, the Schlocky Whore Picture Show.  I would rather have my spine pulled out my asshole than see this movie.

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