A Seahawks Player Is Distraught After His Prized ‘Magic: The Gathering’ Cards Were Stolen

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Seattle Seahawks lineman Cassius Marsh, a nerd, of the was the victim of a crime this week. Did someone break into his home and take his TV? Was he beaten by three men who wanted his money?

No. Someone stole this dork’s collection of Magic: The Gathering cards, which were being stored in a car, for some reason. That’s right. The 24-year-old college-educated man was devastated when someone broke into his alleged girlfriend’s car and stole something that was designed with a 13-year-old in mind.

Even better, after someone stole the nerd’s Magic cards, he did the classic dweeb-o thing on Twitter.

Nothing says justice like offering thieves a reward for returning something that doesn’t belong to them. That’ll teach them! Bad news if you’re a friend of this guy or dating him — it goes God, Family, Football, then a card game for children. And apparently he values the cards so much he stores them in unlocked cars. It’s quite the situation.

He trusts her enough to keep his precious toys in her car but doesn’t like her enough to put her above the cards. This definitely ends in a tense exchange where he has to dump her to get the cards back and he totally dumps her, then cradles the cards on the floor of his bedroom that has Magic: The Gathering posters on his walls.

Such a nerd. Maybe grow up, huh? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to arrange my Star Wars action figures to accurately recreate the battle on the Hoth Planet. Like an adult.

(Sporting News)