This year, The xx’s Oliver Sim has been focusing on himself as he’s so far released two solo singles: “Romance With A Memory” and “Fruit.” He dropped another new one, “Hideous,” today, along with a substantial personal reveal: Sim, who is 32 years old, has been living with HIV since he was 17.
In a lengthy statement about the song, Sim writes in part, “Two thirds in, having a good idea of what the record was about, I realised I’d been circling around one of the things that has probably caused me the most fear and shame. My HIV status. I’ve been living with HIV since I was 17 and it’s played with how I’ve felt towards myself, and how I’ve assumed others have felt towards me, from that age and into my adult life.”
Beyond that, he also revealed his upcoming solo album is called Hideous Bastard and it’s set for release on September 9.
Check out the song above and find the Hideous Bastard art and tracklist below. Also read Sim’s full statement below.
1. “Hideous”
2. “Romance With A Memory”
3. “Sensitive Child”
4. “Never Here”
5. “Unreliable Narrator”
6. “Saccharine”
7. “Confident Man”
8. “GMT”
9. “Fruit”
10. “Run The Credits”
“Early on in the making of my record, Hideous Bastard, I realised that I was writing a lot about fear and shame.
I imagine that might paint a picture of a dark, ‘woe is me’ sounding album, but in recent years I’ve become a firm believer that the best antidote to these feelings can be bringing them to the surface and shedding some light on them.
I haven’t written the record to dwell, but rather to free myself of some of the shame and fear that I’ve felt for a long time. So, I hear a lot of the music as joyous, because the experience of writing and recording it has been the complete opposite of what fear and shame have been for me.
Two thirds in, having a good idea of what the record was about, I realised I’d been circling around one of the things that has probably caused me the most fear and shame. My HIV status. I’ve been living with HIV since I was 17 and it’s played with how I’ve felt towards myself, and how I’ve assumed others have felt towards me, from that age and into my adult life.
So, quite impulsively, I wrote about it on a song called ‘Hideous.’ I thought I could release it into the world and be done with it. After playing the song to my mum, being the protective and wise mum that she is, she gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever received. She suggested that I spend some time having conversations with people in my life first. Either people I hadn’t told yet, or people I had told but hadn’t wanted to talk much further on it with. Since writing Hideous, I’ve spent the past two years having those conversations, which was difficult and uncomfortable to start with, but has allowed me to feel a lot freer and has only strengthened my relationship with myself and with the people in my life.
One of the most special relationships I’ve gained from this has been with Mr. Jimmy Somerville. I knew for Hideous I wanted a guardian angel to appear in the song and sing to me the words I needed to hear. Not only has Jimmy been such a powerful voice around HIV and AIDS for decades, but the man quite literally sounds like an angel. I reached out to him as a complete fan boy, but now consider him a real good friend. He encouraged me to do the song for myself. He taught me ‘glamour’ is a Scottish word. And, most importantly, he reminded me to not take myself too seriously, no good comes from that!
‘Am I Hideous?’ feels far less like a question I’m asking the world now. I know the answer. As scary as it still feels, I’m excited to share this music with you, and I hope you enjoy it. Lots of love, Oliver xx.”
Hideous Bastard is out 9/9 via Young. Pre-order it here.
