To much fanfare around the UPROXX offices, Mr. Skin released their annual list of the top ten nude scenes of 2014 today. Not to be overlooked, Mr. Skin’s sister site, Mr. Man has released a list of their own containing the top ten male nude scenes of 2014 — although in this case, not all of the scenes are actually from 2014. I just assume this is because female to male nudity scenes are like at a 20:1 ratio in the entertainment industry (and that’s being generous), and there wasn’t enough to mine from 2014. This is something that should be rectified immediately.
As with Mr. Skin’s list, Mr. Man tastefully pairs their list with cringe-inducing puns to effectively rob each scene of any actual sexual appeal. Also, the headline is a teensy inaccurate as most, but not all of these scenes contain dong. Some of them are just butt (and one is just chest), but I guess we’re OK with that.
Without further ado . . .
1. Shia LaBeouf in Nymphomaniac: Vol. I (2013). “Was there ever any doubt about this one? Ever since we got our first glimpse of Shia’s La Beef in the theatrical cut of Nymphomaniac Vol. 1, he was the one to beat!”
2. Christophe Paou, Pierre Deladonchamps in Stranger by the Lake (2013). “French foxes Christophe and Pierre certainly know their way around the lake—and one another!”
3. Hugh Jackman in X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014). “Hugh unleashes the beast, and uncovers his butt as he wakes up pantsless in the past! Too bad Hugh didn’t turn around, because then he could’ve been made an official XXX-Man!”
4. A.J. Goodrich, Brenden Gregory in Interior. Leather Bar. (2013). “In the film’s hottest scene, A.J. gets a B.J. from another dude while Brenden looks on and strokes off!”
5. Charlie Hunnam in Sons of Anarchy (2008). “As Charlie beds another babe, we get some nice shots of his muscular duff as he thrusts his way back into the Top 5! Mr. Hunnam will have you saying ‘Hummunna Hummunna!'”
6. Gabino Rodríguez in I Am Happiness on Earth (2014). “Gabino lets it all hang out and even gets an actual beej! Now that’s Happiness on Earth!”
7. Daniel Radcliffe in What If (2013). “Daniel ditches his clothes for a moonlight skinny dip, showing off his wizardly whoopee cakes in the process! Now if only we could get a glimpse of his Sorcerer’s bone!”
8. Will Tudor, Pedro Pascal in Game of Thrones (2011). “Though Pedro never shows off more than some sensational shirtlessness, Will goes the full monty showing off his Tudor-iffic tallywacker as he storms out of bed! These guys are clearly playing a game of bones!”
9. Jude Law in Dom Hemingway (2014). “Seeing Jude in the nude will definitely get you in the mood!” [Ed. note: OK, this one is actually pretty good.]
10. Josh Hartnett in Penny Dreadful (2014). “As Josh gets frisky with Billie Piper, you’ll be feeling equally frisky when you get a glimpse of his juicy glutes! Forget Penny Dreadful… this show is Plenty Skinful!”
Other than Ben Affleck, who Vince at FilmDrunk already mentioned, any additional snubs? Personally, I’m going to have to vote for the Alexander Skarsgard / Ryan Kwanten dream sequence sex scene, which was better than almost anything that happened in the final season of True Blood.
