Jimmy Olsen is a character I like, even though I don’t really think much about Jimmy Olsen. (At least not as much as the Spin Doctors obviously do.) But I always liked that he existed. He seemed nice! He seemed like a hard worker. He was Superman’s pal! He was one of the most earnest characters in the DC universe. And, surprisingly, he’s in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
(There will be spoilers ahead if that’s something that concerns you.)
He’s never mentioned by name. But, now that you all have seen it: that photographer who was with Lois in Africa … who is discovered as a CIA agent? Yep, that’s our Jimmy. Always up to something. So, what kind of trouble was he in before Jimmy’s pal, Superman, had to whisk in and rescue him? Like, remember in Superman: The Movie when Superman saved Jimmy at the last minute at Hoover Dam? That’s Jimmy Olsen for you: always cutting it so close. So, what happened this time?
Superman’s pal, Jimmy Olsen, was shot in the head execution style and died.
Zack Snyder was interviewed about this and said, “We just did it as this little aside because we had been tracking where we thought the movies were gonna go, and we don’t have room for Jimmy Olsen in our big pantheon of characters, but we can have fun with him, right?”
A beloved character being shot in the head: “Fun.” (Okay, to be fair, the CIA part was kind of “fun.” It could have been “fun” to explore that further. But they can’t, because Jimmy was shot in the head and died.)
You know what? I don’t have it in me to be mad or anything: These are fictional characters and Snyder can do what he wants with them. It just seems a little mean-spirited, right? At least mean-spirited enough that I keep thinking about it. This kind of encapsulates the whole tone of this movie: Beloved character, whose name is never mentioned, is murdered with absolutely no emotional heft. Call me crazy, but if a decision is made to kill Jimmy Olsen – in a pretty brutal fashion – that could have been a good opportunity to bring stakes to the film. But, no: Jimmy is just shot in the head for no reason. “Fun.”
Some early rumors had Scott McNairy playing Jimmy Olsen, who was badly injured in the attack on Metropolis. As we now know, that description does fit McNairy’s character, just not the “Jimmy Olsen” part.
I’m sure there are people who like this scene. I bet the Venn diagram for “people who like Batman v Superman and “people who liked Jimmy Olsen’s execution scene” overlap a lot. Again, I’m not against his death, I just think it feels like a waste and a big middle finger to anyone who liked Jimmy Olsen. Oh well.
Anyway, we hardly knew you, new DC Cinematic Universe Jimmy Olsen. In fact, you died a horrible, gruesome, “fun” death before we even knew it was you. In honor of this, we decided to update the lyrics of the Spin Doctors’ “fun” classic, “Jimmy Olsen’s Blues,” to reflect the new modern take on your story.
Well, I don’t think I can handle this
An cloudy day alien invasion in Metropolis
I think I’ll talk to my analyst mortician
I got it so bad for this little journalist
It drives me up the wall and through the roof
Lois and Clark in a telephone booth bathtub
I think I’m going out of feel that bullet in my brain
I got it so bad for little miss Lois Lane
Lois Lane please put me in your planner
Yeah, Lois Lane you don’t need no Superman
Come on downtown and stay with me tonight
I got a pocket full of kryptonite I’m in the CIA and died
He’s leaping knocking down and destroying buildings in a single bound
I’m reading Shakespeare at my place downtown carrying a tracking device for the CIA
Come on downtown and make love to me give my eulogy
I’m Jimmy Olsen not a titan and I was shot in the head, you see
He’s faster than a bullet but not the one that shot me, stronger than a train
He’s the one who got lucky got his cape around miss Lois Lane
I can’t believe my dilemma is real
I’m competing with a man of steel I died
Lois Lane please put me in your planner
Yeah, Lois Lane you don’t need no Superman
Come on downtown and stay with me tonight
I got a pocket full of kryptonite I’m in the CIA and died
Mike Ryan lives in New York City and has written for The Huffington Post, Wired, Vanity Fair and New York magazine. He is senior entertainment writer at Uproxx. You can contact him directly on Twitter.
