Do you feel that slight chill in the air? Have you been seeing school buses pull up beside you on your morning commute? It’s that time of the year again. Even if you’re not in school any more, you can still get in the back-to-school spirit with one of the greatest schoolyard movies of all time: Napoleon Dynamite. The movie is known for its dry humor as much as its dull, typical mid-western setting, but part of what made the movie such a runaway hit is its extremely quotable lines of dialogue that will take you right back to the 2000s. The best Napoleon Dynamite quotes are listed below. I guess you could say this freaking sweet list is getting pretty serious.
But let’s get on with it already, gosh!
“Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.”–Kip
Aaron Ruell’s portrayal of Kip Dynamite, Napoleon Dynamite’s unemployed older brother who still lives at home, is one of the best parts of the entire movie. This chip stealing savant purports to be an aspiring cage fighter and spends his days online doing what most of us wish we could be doing: chatting with attractive people. If only Kip Dynamite could have imagined a day where Tinder dating was the norm! Hardcore fans of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia might recognize Napoleon’s grandmother as Mac’s mom–played by the always funny Sandy Martin.
“You ever take it off any sweet jumps?”–Napoleon
If you live in the middle of nowhere, one of the most exciting things that can happen is the arrival of a new student, especially a new student from another country. Napoleon eagerly befriends Pedro, and investigates his sweet new bike. Idaho is known for its elaborate motocross events, right?
“Take a look at what I’m wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys? Forget about it.”–Rex
Diedrich Bader shines in a small role as Rex of Rex Kwan Do, the leading Tai Kwan Do instructor in the entire area and one of the most hilarious faux tough guys around. If you’re interested in learning some self-respect, and you probably are, go ahead and give Rex a call. He’s probably still wearing those pants and offering an eight-week course for $300.
“Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would’ve been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind.”–Uncle Rico
Uncle Rico, played by Jon Gries, has to come take care of Kip and Napoleon after their grandmother breaks her coccyx while driving the dunes. He spends his time scheming up ways to make money, eating steak and reminiscing of the good ol’ days of high school football… over, and over, and over again. There was a rumor that Jon Gries was a vegetarian in real life so he kept spitting out his steak between takes, but according to his AMA on Reddit in 2014, the truth was that the steak was just “skanky.”
“Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!”–Napoleon
What are llamas even supposed to eat? Are llamas supposed to eat leftover casserole? Is it possible to verbally abuse a llama? Why do people keep pet llamas? This scene has so many unanswered questions.
“Your mom goes to college.”–Kip
I don’t think “your mom” insults have been improved upon since this line in 2004. Poor Deb, played by child actress Tina Majorino, had previously starred in Water World with Kevin Costner. She got burned!
“You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!”–Napoleon
Ah, the typical worst problem of all high school movies: finding a date to the dance. Napoleon not only bemoans his lack of a girlfriend, but also his lack of skills, which is what a girl really wants, after all. What’s sexier than a boyfriend who can hunt with bows and hack into computers? Napoleon really knows the way to a girl’s heart. Maybe he can draw her a liger instead.
“It works, Napoleon. You don’t even know.”–Kip
If someone says that line about a time machine that they purchased online, they most certainly DO know. However, it can’t hurt to at least try it out, right? ….right? Oh well: safety not guaranteed.
“Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.”–Pedro
Pedro Sanchez is like a quiet, calming presence in the movie. His confidence rises above and brings a sense of balance to the snarky, immature insults of the rest of the cast. So when he runs against the popular girl Summer (played by Haylie Duff) for class president–he’s not really expected to win. That’s when Napoleon shows us an awesome dance groove to Jamiroquai’s song “Canned Heat.” And finally, Pedro–and Napoleon–get the appreciation they each deserve.
