Friday Conversation is a new weekly feature we’re trying out, in which we, the staff, will pose a question in an attempt to engage you, the reader, in a fun little discussion on Friday afternoons, because Friday afternoons are stupid and boring for everyone. Please feel free to comment early and often, as the “conversation” part of this only works if we all get involved. Play nice.
Listen, the worst sports movie of all-time is Rocky 5. We can sit here and talk about Caddyshack II and The Babe And The Fan, but in the end it’s Rocky 5 that almost ruined the entire Rocky franchise. Think about it for a second. Think about the success and cultural significance of Rocky IV. Sure it wasn’t critically acclaimed and has a 44% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but there’s a watch-ability factor there. That scene with Rocky and Drago working out in different elements, culminating with Sylvester Stallone screaming on top of the mountain? Man, that’s montage porn right there.
And they had the audacity to follow that up with Tommy Gunn? They followed that up with a street fight televised by the local news? NOPE! No way. Not having it.
Here are some members of the UPROXX staff sharing their thoughts on the worst sports movies. But we want you to hear from you in the comments! Have at it!
Ready to Rumble, starring David Arquette, Scott Caan and the dying breath of the WCW
There are a lot of movies I could pick for this distinct honor – especially Summer Catch, which is my pick for all-time worst baseball film, because I always believe in sub-categories – but any time that I think about Ready to Rumble, I feel my blood pressure rise and I get really, really confused. Not only did a studio produce a film that was basically a fluff job for the WCW, which was practically flatlining as a company in 2000, but the WCW in turn promoted it by turning David Arquette into its World Champion. There have been a lot of really bad decisions made in the history of pro wrestling entertainment, but this one will always be my pick for the worst. Now, some might argue that No Holds Barred was worse, but they’re wrong. No Holds Barred had the “DOOOOOOOOOOoooooookie” scene. Ready to Rumble had Oliver-f*cking-Platt as the biggest wrestling star of all-time. How the sh*t did this get made?
(Although, with all due credit and respect to Arquette, he always deserves more praise for donating his earnings from Ready to Rumble to the families and charities connected to Owen Hart’s and Brian Pillman’s deaths, among others.)
‘Major League: Back To The Minors’ – First of all, the title makes no sense. Why is the movie still called ‘Major League’ when it was about a Minor League team? Also, would Taka Tanaka have been sent to the minors or would he have just gone back to Japan? What was Bob Uecker doing down there? Why did they switch from the Indians to the Twins? Did the Metrodome really have a giant switch located in an area of the stadium where there was no security that a person could access and turn out all the lights in the middle of a game? Is there a way we can get this movie removed from Walton Goggins’ imdb page? Oh his agent has tried already? Well that’s good. At least he tried.
The worst sports movie I’ve seen is probably any of Hector Echevarria’s mixed martial arts films. The biggest problem with all of his movies is that he’s a chubby, 5’7″ 40 year old kickboxer that routinely beats the holy hell out of the actual fighters he stunt-casts to get MMA dorks like me to watch them in the first place. Yeah, I totally buy that this dad and his third week in the dojo roundhouse kicks that reach torso height could one hitter quitter champs in their moderate primes. Then there’s always a weird paramilitary aspect where Hector and only Hector has to rescue a woman using those terrible kicks against a squad of personal security goons in SWAT gear.