There is only one good movie and that movie is The Hurricane Heist. You can tell this is true because the title of the movie is The Hurricane Heist. It’s got everything: hurricanes, heists, etc. And don’t for one second think this is all some kind of metaphor. The Hurricane Heist is a movie that is literally about a heist that takes place during a hurricane. And not just any heist and hurricane, either. It’s a $600 million heist that takes place during a Category 5 “storm of the century.”
Heck yes.
The last time we discussed this film, just over a week ago, when I shout-typed 800 words about it based only on the Wikipedia summary and an unofficial poster, we had very little to go on. This week, though, today, I am pleased to announce that we have not only an official poster and release date (March 9), but also a trailer. The Hurricane Heist has a trailer. That’s it at the top of the screen. You can watch it and everything.
Heck yes, again.
I will now take questions about the trailer for The Hurricane Heist. Time’s yours.
Is the trailer for The Hurricane Heist very extreme?
Quite. Which should not be a surprise, because it comes from The Fast and the Furious and xXx director Rob Cohen. An incomplete list of extreme things in the trailer for The Hurricane Heist:
- Huge waves crashing about
- Piles of money sitting about waiting to get heisted
- Explosions
- Speeding cars
- People jumping between speeding cars
- A man shouting “GET IN” after screeching his speeding car to a stop
- Flipping cars
- More explosions
- A huge ominous dirty cloud chasing everyone
- People getting sucked up into the huge ominous cloud
- Money getting sucked up into the huge ominous cloud
- Freaking tractor trailers getting sucked up into the ominous cloud
That last thing is very true and I made a GIF to prove it. Please excuse me while I attempt to put it in my bloodstream.
Does the trailer for The Hurricane Heist feature the song “Rock You Like A Hurricane”?
Oh, I think you know it does. I mean, what else did you expect? For the trailer to not use “Rock You Like A Hurricane”? Buddy, there is one popular song with “hurricane” in the title and the movie is about a big hurricane. You can’t wave red meat in front of their faces like that and expect them not to eat it. Of course, this song is in there, prominently, chopped up for dramatic emphasis even.
The only other option here — and I consider this a missed opportunity — would have been some sort of haunting piano version of the song. Movie trailers love having haunting covers of popular songs in them. And this one could have been great, mostly because I never even considered the possibility of a haunting cover of “Rock You Like A Hurricane” before today and now it’s all I can think about.
Is there a villain with evil facial hair who says something like “No witnesses”?
Heck yeah there is.
What is the official tagline for The Hurricane Heist?
It is, I swear, “Make it rain.” It’s right there on the poster.
Get it? Rain like precipitation, like you get in a hurricane, but also rain like stacks of money falling from on high, like in a strip club.
So it means two things.
I can explain this more if it will help.
Will you go to see this movie when it comes out, even if you have to brave conditions that cause a tractor-trailer to zip up into the atmosphere like God Himself hit it with a 9-iron?
Heck y-… wait. No. No, I definitely will not. If the weather is that bad I will probably just wait and watch it at home when it is released On Demand. But still. I’ll watch it eventually.
The Hurricane Heist!
