J.B. Smoove is an actor, writer, and comedian probably best known for portraying Leon Black on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm. You may also know him from CBS’ The Millers, Fox’s ‘Til Death, UPN’s Everbody Hates Chris, and BET’s Real Husbands of Hollywood. The former door-to-door fire extinguisher salesman was also once a writer (and occasional performer) on SNL from 2003-2005. Currently, Smoove stars in Almost Christmas, a comedy about a retiree (Danny Glover) who invites his four grown children home for the holidays after losing the love of his life. The film also stars Omar Epps and Gabrielle Union. You can follow J.B. Smoove on Twitter here and Instagram here.
We submitted 20 questions to Smoove recently and, predictably, ended up with some delightful answers.
1. You walk into a bar. What do you order from the bartender?
How about a hot toddy with a splash of Crown Royal Vanilla on the rocks. And when I say rocks I’m not talking about ice, I’m talking real damn rocks! I like drinks that put hair on your chest. Not new hair though, hair from other parts of your body. A drink that transfers your pubic hair, your nostril hair, underarm hair, all that hair to your chest! It might get uncomfortable though, some of that hair has a stench! Nostril hair smells like boogers, underarm hair smells like musk, and pubic hair smells like… pubic hair!
2. Who’s your favorite person to follow on Twitter and/or Instagram?
I don’t mean to sound egotistical, but me. I get so busy sometimes that I forget where I’ve been and what I’ve posted. By following myself I can keep track of me. Don’t get me wrong I don’t just like everything I post. I have written myself some very nasty comments. Hell, I’ve had to block me a bunch of times.
3. What’s currently waiting for you on your DVR?
Walking Dead of course. Ray Donavan and the final season of Lost, don’t spoil it for me.
4. It’s your last meal — what are you going out with?
If I know it’s my last meal then I must know something’s up so I’m gonna eat stuff thats gonna make it difficult for people to dispose of my body. I would have a concrete smoothie so that it can harden in me and I would take a whole bunch of Viagra pills, that way my body will be heavy and hard. Too much? I think not!
5. What websites do you visit on a regular basis?
The Daily News online because I’m a New Yorker and I need to know what’s up, what’s going on in New York. When I was a New Yorker I used to buy the paper every day.
6. What’s the most frequently played song on your mobile device?
A little old school, Morris Day And The Time, “Cool.” Look it up, thank me later.
7. If you could go back and give your 18-year-old self one piece of advice what would it be?
Don’t fuck this up for us! I like where I am now. I like the the choices I’ve made so the last thing I need is some 18-year-old me fucking things up for 50-year-old me!
8. What’s the last thing you Googled?
9. Dogs or cats?
Dogs of course. I do like the way cats look though. As a matter of fact I have a dog that damn near looks like a cat.
10. Best concert of your life was…?
Diana Ross, Central Park, in the rain! I’ve never seen that much rain fall in my life! I lost a sneaker and a girlfriend that night!