Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele’s Keanu hits theaters this Friday and it’s the first time since last September that a fortunate American public will get to see one of the best comedic duos of our time reunite in a meaningful way. But before you head down to your local theater to watch this chronicle about a missing cat (truly the star of the show), consider this: There’s been a hole in our hearts since Key & Peele ended, and the only way to fill it is with more films starring the pair. But should the two, who are working on a reboot of Police Academy, star in a brand new movie or should they resurrect an old favorite that the world’s been dying to see redone? If it’s the latter (why not both, though?) then we’ve got just a few ideas of exactly which buddy films Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele could take on as their next project.
48 Hrs.
Let’s start with a movie that Hollywood might actually think about rebooting. 48 Hrs. famously paired Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy in a story about two people who couldn’t be more different but eventually find a common bond (even if they had to shoot a few guns to do it). Released 26 years ago, this film is perfectly poised for a zanier remake with some of today’s biggest stars. And if Key and Peele have proven anything, it’s that they can do “two guys who don’t get along with each other and will talk trash until someone is literally dead” really, really well. Give them two hours to do it (with the requisite “we get along now” scene) instead of three minutes, and who knows what these two will come up with? Could it be as good as this boxing press conference sketch or that one time that Key and Peele dueled using hats instead of words? Only heaps of money and a brilliant rewrite of the original will tell. Sure, racial tension played a big role in the original and it would be tough to pull that off, but if anyone can it’s them.
Tommy Boy
“Sacrilege!” You might be thinking, “how dare anyone make a suggestion that Tommy Boy could be improved upon?” No one’s saying this reboot would be better, but imagine Jordan Peele playing Chris Farley’s character and Keegan-Michael Key playing David Spade’s. With Peele’s ability to be good-naturedly doofy (without making it seem strained) and Key’s strengths in bits that have to do with direct confrontation, this could just be a remake that’s comparable in quality to the original. And if it gets more people watching the 1995 classic–especially those who have never had to rent it on VHS and then incur late fees because Blockbuster was still a thing back then — then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot
Key and Peele are known not only for their comedic chops but also the costumes they’ll put on and the makeovers they’ll undergo to get a character just right. In this remake of the Sylvester Stallone cautionary tale/film, Peele would play Stallone’s tough guy character while Key (always a little out there) would play Peele’s frail, old, yet somehow irrepressible father. Imagine how much better this movie would do 24 years after its initial release with two leading men who are actually comedians and not Sylvester Stallone being carried by Estelle Getty. If we could just find a way to make Key’s character a former substitute teacher who spits “y’all wanna play” to the bad guys before informing them that they are “insubordinate and churlish,” this movie would be a bona fide hit.
Check out the loudspeaker scene in the trailer above and tell us that you wouldn’t kill to see Key embarrass the hell out of Peele in front of a crowd of concerned citizens who didn’t know they were about to see baby pictures of a little boy in a wig. It would probably even make Sly take back his remarks about regretting making it…because how could we have this beautiful jewel of a remake without the original? And a Stallone cameo, thus continuing his golden years tour through his filmography.
The Last Action Hero
In many sketches, Peele plays the buttoned-up straight man to Key’s outrageous characters. Not this time! While Key would absolutely be free to squirm and yell his way through the entirety of this film–in which he, a recently dumped/unemployed/unjustifiably fired mess of a man would go to the movies to escape, only to be dragged into the action film he’s paid $15 to see. And Peele would really get to shine as the by-the-book action hero that has to deal with his new partner and his absolute lack of finesse when it comes to ridding the world of crime. Sure, Peele would have to dig deep and create his own action hero, but considering that this would be a spoof, there’s no reason he couldn’t turn the character into a rough-hewn amalgamation of Schwarzenegger, Segal, Lundgren, and Van Damme. And if we’re shooting for the moon here, why not include a scene of Peele taking on one of Van Damme’s career defining splits in all its glory?
Weekend at Bernie’s
The biggest question here–besides why hasn’t this been made yet? — is which half of the comedic duo would play Richard and which would play Larry. And whether Peter Dinklage (who’s just earned some cred as a comic villain in The Boss) would be available to play Bernie. The movie’s demand on audiences to suspend disbelief–we’d like to think we’d all be able to tell the difference between a dead guy and a living one–was stretched a little too thin in 1989 (and in 1993 with Weekend At Bernie’s 2, specifically because of the dancing), but with Key, Peele, and modern technology at their disposal, this tale of two young dudes just trying to make it while having a hit placed on them by their evil boss (who is then murdered) would be even more enjoyable with actual comedians in the lead roles (Sorry, Andrew McCarthy, it’s just the truth.)
Cop and a Half
The plot of this movie is already so ridiculous that there’s no way that Key and Peele couldn’t take it from where it already stands as one of the best and weirdest “cop movies for children” of all time to some kind of weirdness high art. While the rest of the movies on this list would require extensive rewrites to make them ready for 2016 audiences, we propose that this one be left as-is. Yep, right down to the part where an adult man (Key) has to play Devon, the adorable but frustrating child (or adult with Benjamin Button disease) that foils, but then completely solves, all the problems of a hardboiled detective (Peele). Would both the peeing scene (the one where Burt Reynolds and Norman D. Goldman II stand at the same urinal and which ends with Reynolds being peed on) and the scene where “gangsters stuff a piece of chicken in a guy’s mouth, then put tape over it to gag him, then send him off to his death in a warehouse” be included? Absolutely. Why? Because this time the movie will be billed as one for adults and not for children. The scene where Devon orders a glass of milk at the bar to show how out of place he is? That’s already basically in the Keanu trailer.
Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion
Romy and Michele are not cops. They don’t carry guns, they don’t go undercover, and their only claim to fame is that they’re pretenders to a throne made entirely of Post-Its, which they totally didn’t invent. But at the neon beating heart of this movie is a story about two people who were just a little different in high school and are trying to prove themselves to the people who hurt them when they were already down. The main difference between this remake and the original? More explosions and angry tell-offs. While Romy and Michele ultimately found that what other people think doesn’t matter as long as you love yourself, I’d love to see a version where Key and Peele say “!@#$ it” and give us exactly the kind of high school reunion we’ve always dreamed of attending. The kind that ends with everyone who was ever mean to us (including the teachers) bowing down and recognizing that they’re the losers now. Ultimate (if very petty) wish fulfillment, right? What else do we go to the movies for?
And here’s another thing: Put Meegan in this movie, because the fact that she doesn’t have her own yet is a crime against all of humanity.
