Not everyone can win an Academy Award (Leonardo DiCaprio), but that doesn’t mean that everyone who’s nominated shouldn’t walk away a winner. But what could be better than a statuette that proves to the world that you’re the best actor anyone has ever seen? Could it be a vampire facelift? A lifetime supply of beauty products? A personal walking tour of Japan? Well, the losers (it’s just an honor to be nominated!) will have plenty of time to decide what’s better than the actual award with this intense gift bag worth over $200,000.
The bag, which is not actually provided by the academy but by a company called Distinctive Assets, is given out to everyone who’s nominated and includes a very strange assortment of things that even the most jaded celebrity would be surprised by.
There are some small-ticket items, of course, such as a $250 personal vaporizer (not allowed at the show!) and $300 worth of personalized MnMs (into it), but there’s also a $6,300 donation that’ll be made in the name of the celebrity getting the bag to hungry animals and a $55,000 trip to Israel.
If Israel’s not your thing, though — although a $55,000 vacation sounds nice — those nominated can also enjoy a personal walking tour of Japan for two ($54,000), a lifetime supply of Lizora beauty products (retailing at $31,000), and, inexplicably, a $125 certificate for a professional video montage (bet Ted Cruz is kicking himself for not getting one for himself).
But that’s not enough for Leo and Bryan and Matt, they cal also get personal training sessions, while Cate and Jennifer take advantage of over $45,000 in Audi rentals, jewelry from a company called Farm Wife, and end excess sweat forever with Dandi Patches (for men and women).
And all of this? It’s just the beginning. Check out the full list of what everyone’s getting and start reconsidering your career choices immediately.
Distinctive Assets does believe in even non-actors getting some of the goodies from the world’s most coveted gift bag. They’re sending UPROXX a selection of the gifts, and some lucky readers may actually get to forget that they’re not at the show by drowning their sorrows in hundreds of dollars worth of candy. Watch this space!
