Faking it till you make it is a big part of being a teenager (or, hell, even a young adult). With that said, most of us don’t go to extremes like Seth (Jonah Hill), Evan (Michael Cera), and McLovin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) do in Superbad a booze heist, make supposedly grown up fashion choices, get fake arrested to impress a girl, and shoot up a cop car while dealing with the looming end of adolescence.
Next time you need to feel a little bit more like an adult, don’t emulate these guys but do remember these Superbad quotes.
“Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a f*cking book for once.” — Fogell
Sometimes, as an adult, your feeling of intellectual superiority is the only thing you have in your corner. The next time you’re stuck in a seemingly endless conversation about a topic that you care nothing about, start spouting off facts that you learned from skimming the headlines of NPR and disdainfully tell your companions to “read a f*cking book for once.” Sure, everyone made fun of McLovin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) for being such a dweeb, but he ends the wild night as a king. It might not make you any friends, but you will get that false sense of being the best, which is all that matters in the end.
“Yeah, chicks go nuts for that… the male camel toe.” — Evan
Seth barrels through life without a lot of self-awareness, and one can’t help but wonder what will happen to him (and his too tight pants) once he and Evan part ways for college. When you’re on the cusp of adulthood and beyond, you will have to reconcile yourself to the fact that sometimes clothes don’t work quite like they used to. What was your look in high school will either be woefully out of style or your new waistline will no longer accommodate. In order to avoid the camel toe of any variety, you have to take a good, long look at your current self and adjust accordingly. It is the adult way.
“That’s the coolest f*cking story I’ve ever heard in my entire life! That’s insane. Is it… Can I hear it again, do you have time?” — Seth
Unfortunately, as an adult, small talk is inevitable. Between oversharing about children, boring vacations, and whatever they found on sale at Publix that day, some people don’t know how to end a story. While it’s usually best to smile, nod, and mildly black out, sometimes you have to say enough is enough. Life is too short for bad stories, especially if they’re told by McLovin.
“F*ck me, right?” — Seth
Self-deprecation has its time and place, and a little awareness makes your observations all the more astute. As you get to know yourself a little better (one of the benefits of becoming an adult), you start to realize that the opinions of most people really don’t matter. As long as those closest to you know where you stand, that’s all that really matters. So the next time that jackass at the bar tries to start a fight because he loves the Packers just a little too much, a simple “f*ck me, right?” might be exactly what you need to ease a little of the tension. Because in the end, these fights really don’t matter.
“Old enough… to party.” — Fogell
One of the best things about becoming an adult is that you can do whatever you want, when you want. Your mom and dad can’t tell you that you can’t throw that rager, and curfews are thankfully a thing of the past. You are officially old enough to party. You don’t have to lie your way through an alcohol purchase with a fake ID anymore, like the desperate McLovin. However, you are also old enough to just stay home if you want. The true freedom of adulthood is letting go of the pressure to say yes to everything.
“People don’t forget.” — Seth
Repeat after me: high school doesn’t last forever. And thank God that it doesn’t. Luckily, people do forget. What may have ruined your life for a few weeks in high school — or elementary school in Greg’s (Dave Franco) pants wetting situation — will be forgotten by the time the real world crowds in. Don’t worry. Or do. But worry about other things.
“Prepare to be f*cked by the long dick of the law.” — Officer Michaels
With adulthood comes consequences. While you may have lived without a care in the world as a kid, early adulthood is that time when you realize that your actions are actually pretty damn important. Paying bills, filing your taxes, getting a job; while these all may feel like an inconvenience, they all help keep you far away from the long dick of the law.
Getting arrested may get you cool points at a high school party, but it looks a little less heroic when you’ve got to go to work the next morning. Also, most cops probably wouldn’t let you tag along on a night of shooting guns, drinking, and getting in fights like Officer Slater (Bill Hader) and Officer Michaels (Seth Rogen). Thank god.
