As anyone who’s seen a Scary Movie that isn’t the first one (and even then…) knows all too well, most parody films are awful. Especially of late. When you think spoof, Airplane, The Naked Gun, and Young Frankenstein are probably the first three titles that come to mind, and they all came out decades ago. Since 2000, movie theaters and gas station DVD bins have been filled with garbage like everything by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. There a few exceptions, though. Edgar Wright’s Cornetto Trilogy is superb, as is Team America: World Police. Then there’s Not Another Teen Movie, which obviously isn’t at the level of Hot Fuzz, but it’s still highly enjoyable and holds up well, even as the world has moved from She’s All That to…The DUFF.
Clearly, little has changed since 2001, when Teen Movie, starring pre-Captain America Chris Evans and post-sanity Randy Quaid, was released, so I decided to re-watch it last night and round up some of the funniest tropes spoofed. But before we begin: 1) every one of Reggie Ray’s scenes involve him getting a concussion, making Not Another Teen Movie the Playmakers of its time, and 2) in 2001, I preferred Janie over Jake’s sister. Now it’s the opposite. I’ve grown up so much since then. Anyway, let’s do this.
1. “Caught With Your Pants Down,” now with more grandparents and a girl scout troop.
2. Every major school event seemingly happening within days of each other.
3. “What’s she doing here? She graduated like four years ago.” The actress who plays Catherine, Mia Kirshner, was 26 when Not Another Teen Movie was released.
4. The tortured, misunderstood artist makes…that.
5. Europeans are so kinky, they literally walk around naked all the time.
6. “Damn, that sh*t is whack.”
7. “The girl’s locker room must be so hot. God, think about the things they’re doing to each other in there. Surely, no one’s taking a massive, loud dump.”
8. The goddamn high school coach who makes every other goddamn word “goddamn.”
9. The Rudy-esque figure, Marty, who scores an inspiring touchdown…then gets sliced in two.
10. “Pick a song with her name in it.” Just make sure that song isn’t “Janie’s Got a Gun.”
11. It’s the guy, not the girl, that makes the grand sexual gesture.
12. “Just move all the sh*t in the dining room.” Preston’s parents are going away for the weekend and they instruct their son to not throw any parties…as the party’s getting ready around them.
13. She’s so ugly…
…she’s so pretty!
14. The EPIC road trip from one house…to three doors down the street.
15. Everyone pauses when The Hot Girl slo-mo enters a room.
16. “That was cool.” The extremely disgusting, grossly slopping “romantic” first kiss.
17. Janie’s already soaking wet from jumping into a pool, but she’s mortified when the Cheerleader Bitch pours a bottle of water on her.
18. Areola’s accent intentionally changes all the time, sometimes in the same scene.
19. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Christmas 1989, Dad had just gotten fired from the Zippo factory, Mom was still pulling in tricks to make ends meet, Daniel Day Lewis won an Oscar for My Left Foot, and all I wanted was one of those little Betsy Wetsy dolls.”
“I remember those. Push her belly and she’d piss all over herself.”
“She said she was going out to get my Dad a bottle of gin, but I knew she was going to get me that present. It was raining really hard that night, the roads were…slippery.
“Janey… a car accident?” “No. Cancer.”
20. Not a trope, but look, it’s young Archer/Bob Belcher!
21. What’s a teen movie without a musical montage that mentions jizz-covered french toast?
22. “What do you expect from me? Do you think I’ll have sex with you? Because I am not a cheap slut. I don’t screw every pathetic guy that gives me a letter. I give them handjobs.”
23. “YOU’LL NEVER BE MORE THAN A FRIEND.” The world doesn’t want Rickey to be with Janie.
25. Also not a trope, but props to the person who was in charge of signs.
