I’ve written at length about my appreciation for Zac Efron and all he represents: Insecurity, false bravado, profound existential crises, dogged pursuit of a career despite having a career that is not going very well, nonthreatening but raw sexuality, the angst inherent in big life transitions, fear of our looming mortality, etc. Zac Efron is not merely a Hollywood actor with a solid workout routine, nor just a charming and naive individual surrounded by people who keep picking dubious looking projects for him — he’s a cipher for all of our hopes and dreams and failures, a stand-in for the human experience itself. Are we all not Zac Efron, stumbling around in the dark, lost and frightened and just hoping nobody notices we just accidentally dropped a condom on the red carpet?
This is why I’m extremely pleased and honored to present to you the first trailer for Dirty Grandpa, Efron’s latest (probable) trashcan fire of a film. Dirty Grandpa follows Efron as a young man named Jason, a man whose grandfather — played by Robert De Niro, this is important — forces him to go on a road trip to Daytona Beach immediately following his wife’s funeral. Here is how Robert De Niro sells Zac Efron on this road trip: “The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.”
The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies.
The first trailer targets a very specific demographic: Raging misogynists who peaked in college, who like Zac Efron just fine, and who have seen Goodfellas 700 times. Apparent coed Aubrey Plaza asks Efron and his grandfather — who, you’ll recall, is two-time Oscar-winner Robert De Niro — to “party some babies into us.” Efron reminds De Niro that one in three of these girls “has herpes, even if you can’t see it.” Efron is horrified to have to drive his fiancée’s (Julianne Hough) pink car because pink is for girls and girls are weak and have herpes. De Niro teaches a woman to golf by groping her from behind. De Niro suggestively squirts sunscreen onto Aubrey Plaza’s breasts. De Niro tells Efron not to marry Julianne Hough because she’s basic. Efron accidentally smokes crack. De Niro… sleeps with Aubrey Plaza? Who apparently does not have herpes. Congrats, Aubrey!
Dirty Grandpa hits theaters on Jan. 22. I’ll be there because I’ve seen all of Zac Efron’s movies – yes, even The Paperboy — and I’ll be damned if I stop now.
