Willow, Jaden Smith's 'NY Times' Interview Is Insane

Fun theory about fortune cookie robots Jaden and Willow Smith: outside of their parents, they’ve never communicated with another person who wasn’t a pretentious artist, disgraced mad scientist, or Jackie Chan. Otherwise, I can think of no other reason why, except Scientology, why a 16- and 14-year-old would respond to “what have you been reading?” with:

WILLOW: Quantum physics. Osho.

JADEN: “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life” and ancient texts; things that can’t be pre-dated. (Via)

Uh…huh.

I’m curious about your experience of time. Do you feel like life is moving really quickly? Is your music one way to sort of turn it over and reflect on it?

WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.

JADEN: It’s proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It’s relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it’s also such a thing that you can get lost in.

WILLOW: Because living.

JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There’s a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it’s living.

WILLOW: It’s the action of it. (Via)

It goes on like this for awhile, the same sort of existential buffoonery that’s turned Jaden into the type of weiner child who runs around weddings while dressed as albino Batman, then spouts off fridge magnet psychology. It’s tempting to use the “pretentious” label, but I don’t think that’s quite it; he’s only a teenager, after all, and all teenagers are pretentious to a certain extant. No, the reason why Jaden, and to a lesser degree Willow, is being INTERVIEWED BY THE NEW YORK TIMES, and more to the point, why the reporter bothered keeping the audio from their interview, is that they’re Will Smith’s kids. Obviously. They’ve both been able to do whatever the hell they’ve wanted to for their entire lives, because who’s going to say no? THEIR DAD PROTECTED EARTH.

Still, no amount of life-saving makes up for this.