We’re all a little imperfect, but the mutants in X-Men: Apocalypse take it to another level and a lot of them use their special skills for good. Inspired by that, we decided to ask our writers what mutant power they would want. Unsurprisingly, a lot of them aren’t really looking to get in on the whole hero game, though. It looks dangerous and unrewarding. How about you?
Booze Magician
My mutant power would be the ability to turn alcohol into strength. It’s also an excuse to use this GIF. –Andrew Roberts
Understanding Any Language
Despite Archer referring to him as the gayest X-Man, I’d want Cipher’s ability to understand any language. If nothing else, it’d be useful in multiplayer games; when talking trash, it’s only polite to call someone a frequenter of animal prostitutes in their native tongue. –Dan Seitz
Mind Reading
It’s probably the most common, but this would be an amazing mutant power to have. Think about the things you could do if you knew what EVERYONE was thinking. Not only that, but if you could alter how someone thinks, it could be epic. And I’m not really down with world domination or anything like that, so my mind control orders would be fairly simple. –Jameson Brown
Laser Eyes
I’d want Cyclops’ laser eyes because it’s one of the coolest looking powers and because I already wear sunglasses all the time so it would totally blend with my whole deal. I’d use my laser eyes in super low-key ways like cutting open packages and cooking cup of soup, so I’d need some kind of dimmer, though. I don’t get into a lot of scrums so there’s no need to dramatically throw off my sunglasses so I can blast through a building to cut down a soaring foe. –Jason Tabrys
The Ability To Poop Money
Hear me out, folks. #Adulting sucks for many reasons, and having to pay bills and maintain a semblance of financial responsibility (in the eyes of the IRS, at least) is a major pain in the ass. So if I had a mutant power — any fantastic ability our latent mutated genes could devise — it’d be to poop money. Think about it — everybody poops, but we flush it right down the toilet. What if you could use it to pay off the collections agencies? I could appease “the man” and take a dump on him at the same time! –Andrew Husband
Teleportation
Any type of teleportation would be cool. You’d save on plane tickets, wouldn’t have to take the bus or drive in rush-hour traffic, and could teleport your way in and out of any cool or awkward situation you want. Imagine saying something stupid in a group of people and instead of having to deal with the situation like an adult you just ported off to a beach for a mai thai. I probably wouldn’t use it to fight crime or be a hero or anything. Just disappear completely like that Radiohead song. –Jimmy Andreakos
So, what mutant power would you want?
