It’s all McConaughey everything this week. Not only is today his 45th birthday (he plans on celebrating by eating a cake made out of Lone Star), but Interstellar comes out tomorrow, and that should earn about $70 billion before the end of the year. He’s already been on Monday Night Football, Good Morning America, and Live with Kelly and Michael, and later this week, he’ll add The Tonight Show and The Ellen DeGeneres Show to that list. Yet, I’m still not tired of him, because he’s Matthew McConaughey and Matthew McConaughey is super-charming even when he’s preaching existential BS that means nothing but still sounds chill, brah.
Basically, McConaughey’s IRL David Wooderson, so let’s count some of his wisest -isms.
1.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: no matter how much you’ll be mocked, no matter no how many cops will bust into your house and see you surrounded by weed and drug paraphernalia, dance (while playing the bongo drums naked) like nobody’s watching.
2.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: cocaine is the best.
3.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: see the junk, touch the junk.
4.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: you can get away with saying there’s nothing wrong with an NFL team being named the Redskins and people will still like you, so long as your name’s Matthew McConaughey.
5.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: ever feel like life’s a romantic comedy and you’re the star? Well, title your rom-com, then be sure to say while having an important discussion with the person you’re involved with. Also, Point. A. Lot.
6.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: if you look like McConaughey and Camila Alves, you’re probably going to have super-attractive children.
7.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: think twice before insulting someone named Killer Joe.
8.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: humans, we’re the worst.
9.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: Heaven is a lie we tell ourselves, because again, humans, we’re the worst.
10.
McConaughey-to-Normal Person Translation: alright, alright, alright.
