Brett Favre Will Not Play In 2010*

Senior Writer
08.03.10 15 Comments

*He probably will.

Brett Favre told team officials last night that he will not play for the Minnesota Vikings in 2010, marking the first time since July 8 that LeBron James has not been the most hated man in sports. Various media outlets are reporting that Favre claims that his 40-year old body is the reason for his decision and I’m reporting that he’s going to change his mind 67 times before the season begins, the media will blow him, and then once the season starts the media will call him a drama queen. Call it a hunch.

ESPN is also reporting that Favre has been texting his Vikings teammates for the past week, and tomorrow they’ll report that he had Cheerios for breakfast and on Thursday that he pleasured himself to a Roxette CD. Favre’s agent had no comment on the announcement news, presumably because he’s had himself lobotomized to save himself from the pain of being Brett Favre’s agent.

Start the next month of aggravation, USA Today:

The Vikings have not commented on Favre’s status on Tuesday. Fox Sports reported that the Vikings hope Favre will change his mind. ESPN reported that Favre has been sending text messages to teammates in the past day.

Really? The Vikings hope he changes his mind? They’re all just f*cking with us now. There’s no way any of the parties involved are being serious. The NFL is going to have to hire a VP of Dismissive Wanking if this goes any further.

ESPN’s Chris Mortensen also said there’s a 5-to-10 percent chance that Favre will change his mind and choose to play this season. I won’t even bother pointing out how ridiculous that is, instead opting to point out that Favre is 40-years old. If he’s not playing this season, he’s not playing next season.

But of course Brad Childress lets him do whatever he wants, so I’m sure if he did want to screw over the Vikings this season by not playing and then come back next season and run this routine all over again, Ol’ Mustache will be more than happy to comply. Just don’t be shocked when Sage Rosenfels purchases a rifle.

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