It’s Time For Chris Rainey To Play, B*tch

Senior Writer
10.12.10 6 Comments

A few weeks ago, former Florida Gators receiver Chris Rainey was arrested for aggravated stalking, which I assume means that he was stalking but he wasn’t good at it so he just became so aggravated. The stalkee was his ex-girlfriend, and the police got involved after Rainey texted her: “Time to die, bitch.” His efforts were so inspiring that even the guy who pistol-whipped Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Kassim Osgood misquoted Rainey’s text while trying to kill his ex-girlfriend. But that’s all in the past now, because Rainey only got a misdemeanor and is back with the Gators.

While Florida coach and all-around swell judge of character Urban Meyer hasn’t said what the terms of Rainey’s return are yet, I’m willing to bet it goes something like this: 1) Come play receiver again. 2) Help us stop sucking. 3) Maybe, possibly, pretty please stop sending death threats to your ex-girlfriend. Rainey’s ex told the police and prosecutors that she didn’t actually feel threatened by Rainey so she didn’t want him to suffer the felony charges that everyone else on the planet would receive for aggravated stalking.

“Chris Rainey is working towards being part of our football team again,” coach Urban Meyer said in a statement. “I’m disappointed that he violated a core value of our program, but he continues to pay a price for his actions. Chris will have to meet a set of conditions to become a part of our team again and although he is practicing, he will not play this weekend. The timetable for his return will depend on his ability to follow the guidelines we have laid out for him.” (Via Orlando Sentinel)

The core value that Meyer speaks of is, of course, being arrested and having the charges stick.

In fairness, what Rainey did is pretty harmless. I mean, death threats are nothing. It’s not like he helped a teammate clean out his dead girlfriend’s apartment, stole her credit card and then used it for 6 months. Rainey’s only real crime was being pretty lame for the Gators’ 30th* arrest of a player under Urban Meyer. Maybe next time follow through, hoss.

Here’s a fun side story – A few weeks ago I had a casual bar debate with a Gators fan about what it says about Meyer that he’s had 30 players arrested during his brief tenure at UF. The Gators fan, who didn’t go to UF, mind you, told me that it’s no different than the players that have been arrested while Joe Paterno has been at Penn State.

I’m gonna head out to watch the Tampa Bay Devil Rays lose, but feel free to point out what’s wrong with that argument in the meantime.

*Accounts vary, as some outlets report that the Gators have had 29 arrests under Meyer, while others say that Rainey was the 31st.

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