You all might know about the New Zealand national rugby team that goes by the ‘All-Blacks’, who are mostly famous because of their famous Haka dance where they all get in position at pre-game and perform a feral version of those dances Danzel Washington made his team do in Remember the Titans that are meant to intimidate opponents and receive lots of hits on the internet. It kind of looks like a combination of a human sacrifice ceremony and a turkey mating dance.
Anyway, a new BBC documentary has discovered the story of All-Black superstar Buck Shelford, whose insatiable zest for winning trumped all, including his own testicular health.
If ever there was one moment when Wayne “Buck” Shelford embedded his name forever into rugby’s rich history, it was during the infamous “Battle of Nantes” in 1986. Playing only his second Test for the All Blacks against a physically intimidating French side, Shelford found himself at the bottom of a rather aggressive ruck on 20 minutes.
An errant Les Bleus stud found its way to his groin, where it somehow managed to tear his scrotum, leaving one testicle hanging out. This alone would leave most men screaming in agony and heading for the nearest hospital. But not Shelford. He calmly instructed the physio to stitch him up.
The French public were gobsmacked as an over-eager pitchside cameraman filmed the stomach-turning surgery, and even more so when Shelford returned to the field and carried on playing.
“I was knocked out cold, lost a few teeth and had a few stitches down below,” recalls the Saracens coach. -BBC
Excuse me as I puke out everything in my stomach. I think I’m manly for having a successful encounter with a can opener. Most men in that situation are yelping around in panic as their voices reach peaks mostly reserved for Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music. If I were him and I had my balls sewed up on the sideline before re-entering a game I better have AT LEAST gotten a nice trophy out of the ordeal or I’m throwing a very manly fit.
To add insult to (traumatizing) injury, the All-Blacks lost the match 16-3. AGAINST THE FRENCH! if I were the French I’d forfeit due to a lack of manliness, though that could conceivably count for all situations they put themselves in. Happy Bastille Day, pansies!